Tireless Woman to Sue Every Goddamn Homo In This Great Nation

In Depth

66-year-old Sylvia Driskell of Auburn, Nebraska, is no longer content to stand idly by as homosexuals, emissaries of the devil, continue to wipe their lube-stained butts across America’s flag. That’s why she’s declared herself an ambassador of god and Jesus Christ (his son) and is asking the courts “is homosexuality a sin or not a sin?”

Ignoring the fact that hatred of thine neighbor is a sin in itself—so even asking this question could send Driskell to hell with all them gross butt bandits she’s so upset about—her endeavor is also not particularly practical. While the court can decide if gay marriage is legal or not, they’re probably not going to be the authority to sound off on whether the actual orientation is a sin or not. Especially because of that pesky church/state separation we all keep talking about (even though, TBH, they’re not as separate as we’d hope). But Driskell is undeterred. She’s waging a campaign against homosexuals whether they like it or not.

From the Lincoln Journal Star:

In a seven-page letter framed as a lawsuit, she cited Bible passages that described homosexuality as an abomination and against nature, and she said never before has the nation or the state been “besiege(d) by sin.”
“Will all the judges of this nation judge God to be a lier [sic]?” Driskell asked.

No word yet on whether Driskell will also be suing the Department of Education for not teaching the children of today about proper grammar and spelling. We’ll keep our fingers crossed.

Image via Getty

Contact the author at [email protected].

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Share Tweet Submit Pin