Town Demands Replacement for Its Sad-Sack Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

Like so many towns across America, Reading, Pennsylvania recently installed an official Christmas tree and lit it with great ceremony. Unfortunately, citizens say it is ass-ugly and they want another one, pronto.

WFMZ sent a reporter downtown to ask passersby what they thought of the tree. “And I’m saying, ‘What in the world is THAT?'” said one woman. “It looks sad,” said another. “It’s nasty, it’s pathetic, and they shouldn’t have it here,” said one man, who added that, “Not to be funny—if there was a squirrel right now looking for a place to live in the winter, it wouldn’t even go into this tree.” Critics were similarly harsh in talking to WTXF, calling the rather skimpy spruce “just ugly.”

The Charlie Brown comparison is… not exactly unfounded.

The officials responsible for acquiring the tree said they couldn’t get to their original choice, thanks to shitty weather, so they were forced to grab an alternative from a city park, according to the AP. A bystander had a different theory, however: “I think some guy just said hey, here’s a tree, it’s the right size, let’s take this one. And didn’t even think about it. Guys don’t think about things like that.”

In response to the backlash, city council president Francis Acosta has formed a small group to raise money for a replacement tree. God bless us, everyone!

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