Which Online Dating Site Is Right For You?


Nowadays, an enormous percentage of people meet online, and the options for virtual Yentas are limitless. So: what does your ultimate choice tell the world?

Well, a lot of people are online dating now, and you’ve heard this is a well-known one, isn’t this how your cousin met his wife? So, why not, right? What have you got to lose? Wait, wait – this costs money? To hell with this. You’re ordering in. Maybe Thai tonight.

You like science, and facts, and systematic methods. You like that the name has “chemistry” in it instead of some evocation of love or gods of love. However, as someone who cares about the aforementioned, you suspect that the science behind this site may be nonsense. And the “genetics” part is just weird. And hang on, you can only contact people the “system” matches you with? Well, maybe that makes sense. Logically.

You wouldn’t pay for a site, but hell, this is free. No, you’re not going to take a new picture, but, you know, you still wanna look good, and – wait, is that your ex?

You may or may not be Jewish, but either way are into Jewish men, so what the hell? Wait, Synagogue Directory? Where’s the “my grandparents were all Communist atheists” option?

Geek 2 Geek
You’re a teenager who hates everyone at school and is bursting with strong opinions on the Seventh Doctor and 4Chan. You embrace the term “geek.” Your profile picture may or may not be of Inara Serra. You will have men fighting over you…in a shy and indirect sort of way.

You’re an idealist willing to give love one more shot or else just watch so much TV that Dr. Neil Clark Warren has worn down your resistance. And – oh, wait, they don’t have any matches for you. That’s three hours you won’t get back.

You either bought Pavement tickets 11 months ago or you despise people who did. You spent 10.5 hours composing your profile and changed the movie choices twice because it was skewing too self-consciously pretentious. You changed the picture three times; now it’s both quirky and unstudied. You will hate at least two people you meet on the site, and this will be mutual.

April Gaede’s WN Dating Service You are an outgoing white supremacist who enjoys walks on white-sand beaches, burning crosses, Holocaust denial and the “music” of Prussian Blue. Your odds are good.

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Share Tweet Submit Pin