Adding to His Possibly Fake Breakup Saga, MyPillow Guy Also Dumped By Twitter

Adding to His Possibly Fake Breakup Saga, MyPillow Guy Also Dumped By Twitter
Image:Justin Sullivan (Getty Images)

We are all almost certainly having our share of difficulties right now, but as we press on through personal strife, let us turn a compassionate eye to the struggles of other, less fortunate wretches: namely, MyPillow CEO and Donald Trump pal Mike Lindell, who just last week was forsaken by alleged ex-girlfriend or perhaps complete stranger Jane Krakowski and now must also suffer a similar estrangement from social media app Twitter, the preferred girlfriend/therapist/echo chamber of delusional fascists the world over. So sorry for your loss(es), Mikey.

According to Politico, Twitter has permanently banned Lindell “for repeated violations of [Twitter’s] civic integrity policy.” Much like the company’s decision to ban former President Donald Trump (exactly five years too late for the ban to matter one single rat’s ass), the fact that Lindell was lying a bunch and doubling, tripling, and quadrupling down on those lies was likely the main cause of the breakup:

“Among other things, Lindell alleged that the voting machine companies Smartmatic and Dominion Voting Systems were part of a conspiracy to rig the election against Trump. Upon threat of lawsuit from Dominion, Lindell told the New York Times: ‘I would really welcome them to sue me because I have all the evidence against them.’”

Poor Mike, what’s he going to do now that he cannot spend his possible breakup from a woman he potentially never met mindlessly scrolling through social media, occasionally popping a conspiracy theory that helps fuel violent and deadly attempts to overthrow the American government off into the void? This newest rejection must be that all harder now that the QAnon forums are no longer replying, caught up their own drama surrounding their own recent breakup with Donald Trump, who, truthfully, had been catfishing them for years, pretending to be a much smarter, more powerful person than he really was.

At least Mike has all those pillows. Maybe he can snuggle up and text some treasonous nonsense to his buddy Don, who is likely eating McDonald’s in his own MyPillow sadness cocoon, locked into romantic fantasies of American voters, Twitter, and reality television producers from NBC appearing with a dozen roses begging to try again. So much heartache for these terrible men while their exes seemingly thrive in their absence. As breakup philosopher Jim Croce once opined, “Isn’t that the way they said it goes”?

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