Black Swan Not Perfect Enough to Satisfy Critic's Choicers

• Natalie Portman‘s Best Actress trophy at last night’s Critic’s Choice Movie Awards was Black Swan‘s only victory of the night, even though it was nominated in 12 different categories. The Facebook movie snuck up from behind, winning three awards.
• Portman thanked director Darren Aronofsky for creating a project that enabled her meeting and subsequent relationship with choreographer/husband-to-be Benjamin Millepied, and for also getting her pregnant (indirectly!). Now she and all the Swans will spin and twirl toward the Golden Globes. [Popeater]
• Kristen Stewart is being oppressed by teenage girl-fans of Twilight—so much so, that she can’t even go to the mall anymore, and hides from them. Will she ever come to enjoy the hysterical hordes and flashing Powershot lights that come with fame? Seems unlikely. “I don’t think I would ever have been able to be an actress had I not started at nine years old,” she says. “I would have been the last person to stand up and say, ‘I’d like to star in the play.'” Don’t be surprised if she up and quits Hollywood and becomes a beekeeper. [Inquisitr]
• Camille Grammer believes she’ll find love again. [Popeater]
• The newborn babe of Owen Wilson and Jade Duell has arrived, kicking off a round of hula dancing from Wilson (says “a source”). It is a boy-child, and his name is Butterscotch Colt. [Star]
• Is Owen Wilson as fertile as the seven women in this photo compilation? [Popeater]
• Jerseylicious star(?) Tracy DiMarco is pretty sure the people of Oklahoma are jealous of Jersey, and that’s why those landlocked farmers always hating on the now-popular state. “Who wants to go to Oklahoma?,” she asks. “I don’t even know where that is on the map!” [Popeater]
• “Animal,” that supposedly leaked “Lady Gaga” track, is actually by someone else. [Contact Music]
• The special facial Mila Kunis is getting for the Golden Globes costs seven fucking thousand dollars. It’s called the HD Diamond and Ruby Peel, and it involves actual rubies and diamonds. Did you know that rubies are antioxidants? So are prunes, and you won’t have to spend seven grand to rub those all over your face and décolleté. [In Style]
• Ashley Olsen asked for a discount on some wilting flowers that she spotted at a florist’s, and is now being labeled a “haggler.” [Bloginity]
• Queen Elizabeth wants Prince William and Kate Middleton to live at Buckingham Palace with her and all the staff, but they’re like, “nah, too noisy.” [Digital Spy]
• John Travolta will go to Germany to pick up his “Golden Camera” award, even though Germany doesn’t think too highly of Scientology. [NY Post]
• Sienna Miller took her newly single pal Keira Knightley out for some carbs and gals-only karaoke in London. They sang Pussycat Dolls songs but weren’t divas. [Daily Mail]
• Debbie Gibson‘s worried about Justin Bieber losing it when he’s older. “Somebody has got to remember that Justin is 16. (If he doesn’t stay grounded, he will) lose his sanity (later),” she says. One way we’ll know if he’s lost his mind: if he starts remaking Debbie Gibson songs. [Daily Express]
• Brenda Strong is divorcing her yoga-teaching husband. TMZ]
• Katie Price made her cage-fighter husband (but not for long?) Alex Reid break down in tears. He wouldn’t sign some divorce papers, because he wants her back. Just now, the Hall & Oates song “Maneater” popped into my head. [Daily Mail]
• Keanu Reeves doesn’t think gun violence in his movies leads to gun violence on the streets of America. He didn’t address the potential impact of other people’s gun violence movies, though. [BBC]
• Keanu Reeves credits Kathryn Bigelow for making him a famous action star and subject of funny memes. [Bloginity]
• In the 1970s, Diane von Furstenberg sat on a plane next to some bozo who asked why a “pretty girl” would be reading the Wall Street Journal, because isn’t that an ugly old man’s newspaper? As it so happened, she was on the cover of the newspaper that day, which enabled her to make quite the comeback. [NY Post]
• Kim and Kourtney Kardashian posed for promo pics for Kourtney and Kim Take New York in the New York City subway. Maybe you have sat on the same bench as a Kardashian?! [Celebuzz]
• Kim Kardashian had another, solo photo shoot in which she wore a twisting, barely-there “contraption” and super-red lipstick (official shade name: “ALL CAPS”). [Kim Kardashian Twitter]
• America Ferrera is going to play a graduate student on The Good Wife. [Just Jared]
• Diddy did comedy. [NY Times]
• A guy in the Chicago suburbs lost his shizz upon spotting a framed photo of Mario Lopez (depicted as his Saved by the Bell character “Slater”) in the bathroom of a bar called Mullets Sports Bar and Grill and smashed that photo right up. When cops asked him “WTF,” he said he just didn’t like Slater. [Chicagoist]
• “Golden Voice” Ted Williams has entered a rehab center in Texas—the state where Dr. Phil is from, though supposedly the Doc has nothing to do with Williams’s treatment. The place is on lockdown to protect Williams from the paps and also indirectly reiterate his celebrity status. [TMZ]
• Christina Milian paid $55,000 to a man who was attacked by her chompy dog. [TMZ]
• All of this year’s Miss America contestants walked around a Vegas casino displaying shoes that represented their home states. They didn’t actually wear the shoes—they just showed them off. [AP]
• Drake is not “the devil,” but a devil all the same. [ONTD]
• Nicole Kidman doesn’t mind being naked, especially now that she’s had a baby and her boobs have grown. Hey, cheaper and more organic than implants. [Huffington Post]
• The Game smashed his hand while messing with a guitar, and there was blood everywhere. And now there are pictures of the blood, which you can look at and be grossed out by. [TMZ]
• Ryan Gosling studied relationships for five years before Blue Valentine began. Maybe if this acting thing doesn’t work out for him, he can become the next Dr. Drew/Dr. Phil/Dr. Ryan. [Contact Music]
• Eva Longoria will keep some of her Tony Parker-centric tattoos. They’re still friends, after all. [Hollywood News]
• Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley couldn’t get their no-contact order lifted. [Radar]
• Reese Witherspoon has her head in the clouds! She forgot her engagement ring, and then got a parking ticket. Maybe she’s worried about her zodiac sign changing, and what it all means. She wouldn’t be the only one among us. [Radar]
• Somebody in Kalamazoo is claiming to be Dennis Rodman in an attempt to build their DJing career. In its own, weird little way, this makes sense. [TMZ]
• 50 Cent didn’t mean to cause any problems when he tweeted that people should buy stock in the company producing his new Sleek by 50 Cent headphones. He was just excited. [MTV]
• Those Jersey Shore kids keep on winning the ratings game. Maybe it’s because we all secretly identify with them so much? Life begins with smooshing. [Blast]
• Everybody would cheat with Ryan Reynolds, if they could cheat at all. Would you? [Heatworld]
• Sarah Michelle Gellar‘s coming back to television with a series called Ringer. Her character will be “troubled.” [Deadline]
• Dave Broome, the executive producer of Shedding for the Wedding isn’t down with Bridalplasty. Just remember that if people stopped getting married, neither show would exist. [Yahoo]
• Nelly: he’s ready for a comeback! And come back he will, as long as he puts a glossy picture of inspiration source/world mentor Mariah Carey on his wall and prays to it every day. [Contact Music]
• Gerard Butler wants you to “keep off grass”—or so his t-shirt would indicate. It’s like his own version of a D.A.R.E. shirt. [Just Jared]
• The Smurfs, starring Katy Perry as Smurfette, will open in August. [Yahoo]
• Zsa Zsa Gabor‘s doing as well as can be expected after undergoing an amputation of her leg. Stay strong. [AP]

Dr. Conrad Murray told Nevada and Texas that he can’t practice medicine right now. Now they know. And now we know. [TMZ]