By Illuminati Conspiracy Theorist Standards, High Priestess Beyoncé's Half-Time Show Wasn't All That Bad

We all know Beyoncé and Jay-Z and members of the Illuminati, that global network of special (rich) empowered people whose actions dictate the course of events throughout the entire world. With her 12-minute song and dance routine and captive audience of millions, Bey had ample opportunity to shill for the New World Order. So how’d she do?

William Fawell, one of the founders of the Elect A New Congress Super PAC, announced earlier last week that he and many other Super PAC members would be boycotting Beyoncé ‘s half time show for being “anti-liberty.”

From Fawell’s press release:

“If you look at Beyoncé and this Jay-Z fellow, it’s been pretty much in praise and celebration of the modern criminal police state. And that runs completely at odds with liberty and in complete odds with me and I just couldn’t sit still and not take some action to bring people’s attention to this. We’re going to turn you off. Pepsi, you just spent millions on a presentation that is un-American. We reject it and we reject you.”

While I’m sure Beyonce was very hurt by that, the show went on and Fawell did not watch. A wasted boycott because A.) he missed a super badass show featuring all female performers and an electric guitar made out of fireworks and B.) he didn’t have all that much to worry about, police state-wise.

“I didn’t watch it. But I think the whole thing was pretty non-controversial. I didn’t hear anything about storm troopers,” he said.

Fawell watched the game at a bar in Galena, IL (which also has some lovely antique stores, btw) and, come half-time, asked the bartender to switch over to the Puppy Bowl only to be refused. “So I went for a drive,” he told Buzzfeed. “I stopped at the legion hall and finished the game.”

The Elect A New Congress founder wants to make it clear that he doesn’t have any ill will towards Beyoncé personally. In fact, he doesn’t really know anything about her at all:

“I never attacked Beyoncé. I think she’s probably a very nice lady who is 24 or 25 [Author’s note: Bey is 31.] and she’s got a husband who is her mentor-manager who is beyond her life and anything he tells her to do she thinks is the right thing to do.”

Ah, so she’s just a little baby woman being strollered around by Jay-Z. Huh. I think I prefer her as an evil Illuminati priestess.

As for the hand triangle she threw up — likely as a HOVA homage — during “Independent Women — Part I”, Fawell remarks, “I’m not surprised that they came with the triangle thing, and I don’t think it was in reference to high energy particle physics. I’m sure it was about the new world order.”

I say we celebrate this new world order with a Beyoncé/Super Bowl themed gif party! Or, you know, twenty comments about how you can’t be the only one who thinks Beyoncé is an overrated and talentless hack and omg why do people like her. Answer: It’s because we’re in the Illuminati, too.

Even “Anti-Liberty” Halftime Conspiracy Theorist Can’t Fault Beyoncé [Buzzfeed]