Bye, Peter! Windmills Will Never Be the Same

Bye, Peter! Windmills Will Never Be the Same
Screenshot:ABC/The Bachelorette

The Bachelorette Season 15 has reached its natural conclusion in Greece. Not long after Luke P. showed up to continue to make Hannah Brown’s life a nightmare (the producers love a villain, even though they got a very dumb one this season), it was down to three men: pilot Peter, struggling musician Jed, and Tyler C., a man who has been toted as a feminist hero despite doing the absolute minimum (okay, standards should be lowered for this backwards universe—he did teach Luke P. about double standards, though there’s no way the information computed.) In Monday night’s Part One finale, Hannah bid farewell to Peter, who it was also revealed she had sex with four times in a windmill. This is an important detail, because his parents cheered after learning this information, and because it is now on my bucket list to have sex with a pilot in a windmill.

Maybe she couldn’t get behind his apparent earnestness, or that his name has been used as slang for “penis” since at least the 19th Century, but none of that matters. An engagement is on the horizon, and she still needs to make a decision. (And there definitely will be one; there’s no way Hannah is gonna go the guilt-her-into-loving-me route of Colton Underwood’s Bachelor.)

Tyler and Jed meet Hannah’s parents, and they only like one of them… which was apparent even before Jed revealed that his job situation is going nowhere, and that his big break was writing a jingle for a dog food company. Hannah should remind her dad that after The Bachelor, no one needs a job—that’s what brand deals on Instagram are for—but if her father is using Jed’s lack of professional success as a scapegoat for his hatred for the musician, I’m cool with it. (Who isn’t Team Tyler? Remember when Jed admitted that he joined the show to advance his career? Run, or jog really quickly.)

In the second half of the episode, Hannah goes on dates with both men and gets sick on Jed’s date, which has happened an inordinate amount this season. Get her off boats? But also—it’s a sign, dummy!

In the show’s first week, I predicted Jed would win, for no reason other than the fact that I immediately sensed chemistry between her and the man who is undoubtedly a bullshit artist. Tyler is the logical decision—her family likes him, he’s passionate about activism, he continues to ride horses with her despite hating them—and Jed has been making gossip headlines for having a serious girlfriend back home in Nashville whom he broke things off with when he was selected for the show. (How could he pass up the opportunity to publicize his music?) Hannah cut a dude on night one for similar behavior, but he wasn’t cute, so whatever. I hope she doesn’t have blinders on for the boy with the guitar who’ll move her to Tennessee, because that would suck. Maybe, with all of the growth Hannah has undergone this season and in the time since Colton, she should’ve had fun being single and free of the pageant circuit before attempting to find a lifelong partner? Just a thought.

One more night, 90 more minutes to find out Hannah is definitely going to choose Jed. Is it Bachelor in Paradise time yet? And how long until the franchise announces Pilot Peter is the next Bachelor?

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