Cat to Musician: No One Cares About Your Stupid Ukulele Solo

If there’s one thing that ruins a beautiful YouTube performance of a ukulele song about being frightened of “dentists and the dark.” It’s a music-hating cat who’s not at all interested in your soulful crooning and enthusiastic strumming. Fuck you, thinks the cat. And fuck your love of music.

Also: I know that swearing at pets is wrong, but the other day my guinea pig peed on my head and I screamed “what the fuck did you do?” and then Allen lectured me about how I shouldn’t swear at the hamsters because it hurts their feelings while there was urine dripping down my face. And I couldn’t even respond because I didn’t want to get it in my mouth. So yes, I privately endorse the swearing that is going on here. Also, PSA: Don’t let your guinea pigs climb on your head to groom you. Only ill will come of it.