From the dawn of time, women have been getting knocked up by men in a variety of ways. In ye olden days, once a lady’s egg and the man’s sperm found each other in bliss, the female was often relegated to fainting couch or a hall closet maybe, forced to shut themselves away from the world as every part of their body thickened. Celebrity women fared the worst: they were granted the right to leave their dwellings, but only if they were garbed in some sort of preventative measure, perhaps a tent-like screening that would barely pass as a dress. Now, however, the New York Times informs us that these bold butterflies are using their celebrity millions to go outside and look good while doing it.
Times were dark before 1991, when Demi Moore hinted that she had a vagina and that she definitely had something growing in her uterus. Since then, stars like Catherine Zeta-Jones and Annette Bening have done the important work of letting people know that Baby Bumps “R” Us. Just ask Janice Min of The Hollywood Reporter:
“It used to be ‘Stay at home and don’t be seen.’ Today, it’s a red carpet perfect storm. If you’re pregnant and you go out to an event, you get so much attention. People love to see pregnant celebrities flaunt it.”
And what better place to gawk at these elephantine ladies than the show of the century, the Academy Awards, also known as that awards ceremony where people hold nude gold men?
“The Oscars have since functioned as a kind of runway for the expectant…The arrivals are obsessively chronicled; the ‘bump’ a point of pride, the ultimate accessory for someone who clearly has it all.
The only issue with this new liberation of the non-male form is that, according to stylist Kate Young, “Everyone gets pregnant in a different way.” Like some people might get pregnant accidentally in a car on the way to an uncomfortable Thanksgiving dinner with their new in-laws and some people might have their conception filmed for TLC’s A Baby Story and some people spend years trying to get their mucus membranes to work compatibly and then realize that it’s gotta happen with a doctor-approved Turkey Baster. And all of these different ways of getting pregnant mean that you’ll look a different version of fat. And sometimes the way you’re fat changes depending on the day, which means you should really be getting your clothes tailored every two weeks, so budget that in.
This has been another edition of Trend Alert: Celebrities go out in public while with child and people love it because they’re rich and beautiful and this is brand new information.
Pregnancy Takes a Turn on the Red Carpet [NYT]
Image via Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty