Oh, Europe. You utopian minx!!! Apparently Cressida Bonas was so bereft after breaking up with a literal handsome fucking prince that her job put her on “compassionate leave” to recover. Absurd indulgence? Or THE #1 MOST REASONABLE THING I’VE EVER HEARD?
I’ve only had one really significant break-up in my life, and fortunately I was working freelance at the time. So I just had to slog through one Glee recap that night before I could dissolve into a quivering sadness-flan and flush myself down the toilet. But that one Glee recap was TORTURE (this is actually it, if you want to judge my discombobulation). Like, how the fuck am I supposed to care about Puck’s sexual pool-cleaning business when I’m busy being a moldy, worthless zombie-shoe rotting in a culvert near the airport!?!? Impossible. So I feel u, Cressida. Sads r people 2. Gloooooooooooooooooooom.
Via Wapo:
Well, there’s nothing standard about dating a member of Britain’s royal family, and apparently, there’s nothing standard about breaking up with one, either. Cressida Bonas, who reportedly ended her two-year relationship with Prince Harry last week, has been granted compassionate leave from her job. Basically, it’s time off to stay at home and lick your wounds privately instead of sniffling through your work like a love-lorn zombie or snapping at your colleagues like all normal people.
Surely, that’s covered by FMLA, right? Says Vanity Fair’s Royal Watch:
“According to sources, Cressida, who is currently working for a marketing company in London’s Soho, has been given compassionate leave from work, while she gets over the break up. She was photographed earlier this week looking tired and drawn as she made her way to the office, and hasn’t been seen since then.”
When Kate Middleton and Prince William broke up in 2007, she was granted the same thing. No word on whether or not that’s paid leave, but hey, try it out.
ENDORSED.
I mean, seriously, why not? Why is physical illness prioritized over emotional distress? I can get way more done with a cold than I can with an anxiety attack or a broken heart. And I can think of quite a few non-breakup circumstances that also deserve compassionate leave:
- When blood is gushing out of your vagina.
- When you’re tired!!!!!!!!!!
- When there’s an SVU marathon featuring all the best B.D. Wong episodes.
- When people keep posting life-changing photo sets of Norwegian Forest Cats on Tumblr and you realize that you’re still allergic.
- When your blogging platform eats a post you worked on all fucking day and you didn’t save it because you’re a goober. (This warrants at least a month off.)
- After the LOST finale, because you’re a fool.
- After any ASPCA commercial, because of the eye crust.
- After the LEGO Movie, because of the Will Ferrell part.
- When your significant other has the day off and is sleeping like a little baby angel.
- When your favorite pancake place is swamped on the weekends, and are you just supposed to never eat pancakes!!??!?!
- When you’ve come too passionately.
- When it’s 75 and sunny and you live mere blocks from a majestic lake and you just pumped up your bike tires and it’s been raining nonstop for the past 8 months and you can HEAR THE ICE CREAM MAN RIGHT NOW (PLEEEEEASE JESSICAAAAAAAAA!!!).
What do you guys want compassionate leave for? Post it in the comments and…maybe your boss will read it? Or something? NO REVOLUTION EVER STARTED BY PEOPLE NOT LEAVING INTERNET COMMENTS.