Dos Equis Shows You How To Capture & Tame A Woman In The Wild


Ah, the elusive female. So beautiful to observe, so difficult to obtain.

When you’re stuck in an area that vaguely resembles the woods, one of the most important things is to locate a source of food. If that is not possible, finding a good woman to seduce is a close second.

While roots, berries, and insects will keep you satisfied for a little while, the comforts of a woman can mean the difference between life and death.

The first thing you need to realize is that (like some men) females are creatures of habit, and they can usually be found in one of four places:

-Hanging out with a group of friends who you may have to fight off.
-Some sort of food source (which is terrific because women tend to lack the proper currency to pay for their own food, thus giving you the upper-hand).
-The water source where they will pretend to drink water in an effort to look sexy.
-Inside their homes where they will be recharging their batteries so that they may be better prepared when you chase them in a playful way.

Once you’ve located tracks on the paths where these creatures have walked, you will have located the ideal place to set your trap.

I know, I know. There has to be an easier way to meet women, but this is just how it is in the jungle so you have to make do with what you have.

So you’ve spotted their tracks. Now, if only there were a way to lure these miraculous creatures directly into your cave without spooking them.

If only you could, oh I don’t know, take some miscellaneous ‘tribesman’ (along with some spears and other various pointed weapons) and a six pack of beer with you as you reassure your target that they’re safe and that this isn’t a plan at all, but more of a ‘meeting of the minds’, if you will.

Maybe if you used a “soothing voice”, that could buy you some trust. It’s worth a shot.

But be warned, you must use “caution” when trying to trap a female in the wild, as she may be wary of the three men dressed as Village People who are currently approaching her with swords and staring at her like she’s a poison dart frog.

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Share Tweet Submit Pin