Farewell, Bridget Jones
LatestA few weekends ago in the Guardian, Professor Sarah Churchwell confronted the ghost of Bridget Jones and the persistent stereotype of the dismal singleton.
Her column got it so right that I was tempted just to reproduce it here in its entirety. But Churchwell broached so many issues-about the power of stereotyping and singledom-that I wanted to discuss it in greater detail.
Churchwell’s elegant rant begins:
A survey this week – misleadingly called a “study” by some reports – found that of 2,000 [British] women in their mid-20s, a majority of those polled felt that 26 was the ideal age for marriage, and hoped to have children a year later. The implication was clear to editors across the country: Bridget Jones is back! One paper explained that young women don’t want to end up “like author Helen Fielding’s fictional singleton”. But this isn’t the return of Bridget Jones so much as the dogged survival of an insistent stereotype: women need to get married young and have babies. And judging by this survey, young women are listening.
The editor of More magazine, which commissioned the poll, commented, “Young women today no longer want to be party girls throughout their 20s only to reach their early 30s and find they’ve loved and lost Mr Right. They don’t want to fall into the Bridget Jones syndrome and view their future through an empty wine glass.”
“Times are changing fast,” the report concluded. Changing times may sound like progress; sadly, this report represents anything but. Careers, evidently, have no place in women’s plans: girls just want to have fun, and then marry Mr Right, so they’d better not wait too long or he’ll slip through their fingers.
More, incidentally, bills itself as “A comprehensive resource and community for women over 40.” Part of their over-40 community spirit appears to be snarking on young women’s career and marriage choices. It’s the same chauvinist faux-concern women have been fed for years: we want you to be happy, but if you prioritize your own fulfillment you’ll wind up miserable and aloooooone. Congrats, More magazine-you win the gold-medal for Undermining.
Bridget Jones’s Diary-the novel based on Helen Fielding’s newspaper columns-was published in 1996, the year I gradated from college, moved to New York and began climbing the career ladder. Bridget was a decade older than me, but I identified with her in an aspirational way. Bridget was like the big sister whose strappy heels you might borrow for a night out; I tried on her dating-work-friendship stories as I started to create my own.
I was one of many. Churchwell points out:
Women who identified with Bridget Jones in the 90s didn’t view her story as a cautionary tale; she represented not what they feared, but how they felt. Which, by the way, wasn’t miserable, or desperate, although occasionally lonely.
Here’s a newsflash: men are occasionally lonely, too. Where are the surveys asking them what they think the ideal age is to marry and have babies? Personally, I’m waiting for the “study” that shows Ms Right is so busy pursuing her career that Mr Right needs stop playing his Wii and go find her.
Right on. I’ve harped on this plenty, but it bears repeating. Society treats women as though it’s our highest calling to make a man want to marry us-even if that requires giving up on education, career and financial security. It’s never his responsibility to drop everything to find the right woman, or to accept her for who she is. Nor does anyone expect him to be tormented by the possibility of winding up alooooone. The stereotype of the desperate singleton with the empty wine glass and cats and a pint of ice cream is reserved only for the despised single female.
Churchwell notes:
The problem, again, is stereotyping. Asking “What do women want?” presumes that all women want the same thing – and the answer assumed by those who are not women continues to revolve around marriage, the home and children.
Sadly, due to the inevitable creep of stereotyping, the answer isn’t just “assumed by those who are not women.” It’s assumed by women too. Stereotyping single women is a misogynist pile-on that women also participate in, including Bridget’s creator, Helen Fielding.