Give Iman Shumpert the Mirror Ball and an Emmy

The NBA star's performance on episode 7 was the best thing Dancing With The Stars has produced in years.

Give Iman Shumpert the Mirror Ball and an Emmy

There is nothing I want more than for Halloween and spooky season to come to an end, but alas that cannot happen without Horror Night on Dancing With the Stars. All the guys and dolls were dressed to the nines in terrifying costumes including Pinhead, Pennywise, and the puppet from Saw. Truly my greatest nightmare come to life, but at least the dances were good.

Horror night was a big one for both Ms. Jojo, who got another perfect score, and Iman Shumpert, who also earned a perfect score — a wonderful accomplishment for all of giant-kind. The ballroom bid a farewell to Kenya Moore, whose looks have been killing it more than her dance moves. She’ll be missed, but ‘twas an overdue elimination.

And what is our favorite queen Cody up to? Shakin’ that ax just how we like it.

JoJo Siwa checks all the boxes!!

Megan: I’ve briefly hijacked this experience because I felt so strongly about the spectacle you see above that I was compelled to share my opinion. Listen, nothing about this entire thing should work. Yes, it’s Horror Night, but the choice to put JoJo Siwa in full Pennywise drag and then make her do a weird jazz number to a cover of “Anything Goes” is particularly demented, and I love it? Every minute! Dancing clowns are funny, not scary, and I suppose this two minute clip represents everything good this strange program has to offer.

Shannon: Jojo was great of course, but we need to take a moment for Ms. Jenna who has been killing it every week yet somehow managed to find a new higher level for this number. To do all of that movement so crisply and beautifully in a redesigned raincoat? I mean, what is there to say that they’ve not already said with their bodies?! 10/10

Emily: Someplace deep in my secret heart I suppose I’ve always wondered what would happen if Pennywise and that armless kid in the gutter had put aside their differences and danced both beautifully and amiably. Now that I know, the answer has thrilled me, much like the first time I saw that kid’s arm get ripped off in my Blockbuster copy of It. This minute and three-quarters does what two reboots could not: make me remember why I fell in love with that child-murdering clown all over again. 10/10

I’d Let Cody Murder Me Probably

Shannon: The pantsuits alone deserve solid 10’s and they will receive them. What I really appreciate is that Cody is slowly but surely loosening the vice grip on his hips and starting to move them in a manner that is borderline rhythmic. This is a wonderful development for Mr. Rigsby. I always believed he was capable. 9/10

Emily: All we had to do in order to get Cody to move his feet in time with Cheryl’s is hand him an ax, put on some Kim Petras, then stand back and let him do those body rolls I copy every time he plays some Britney for me in a Peloton class. Cody and Cheryl have perfect Cha Cha energy in that, if my theory is correct, they hate each other and allow that energy to fuel their will they/won’t they dance vibes (will they do a stabbing to each other or won’t they do a stabbing to each other). 8.95/10

End The Show And Give Iman The Trophy

Emily: The tall man and the tiny lady have once again managed to utterly charm me with this nightmare cheerleading routine that also channeled the sad ballet scenes from Us. Those head swivels and fourth wall break stares at the end were a little dash of genius. Perfect from start to finish — except when they got too close to the edge of the stage which in itself only served to heighten the suspense. 10.2/10

Shannon: When this man swung this woman across the dance floor and she lifted up in the air like Orville Wright, I audibly gasped in my living room and scare my dogs. That lift was so fluid, so effortless that I honestly thought she was going to slip out of his grip and fly into the balcony. As if that wasn’t astonishing enough, she climbed on top of this man’s shoulders and just stood there! Then threw herself off!! The trust! The technique! The thrill!!! 12/10

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