Grimes Says She Got Surgery to 'Block Out' Blue Light (and Haters)

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Grimes Says She Got Surgery to 'Block Out' Blue Light (and Haters)

Grimes’ internet presence has slowly wound itself up into a mostly convincing deep fake experiment after falling into the clutches of new-age Monopoly Man Elon Musk. The latest act of provocation in Grimes’ meandering science project reads like the scrapped ad copy to her upcoming album—one in which she claims to want to make climate change “fun.” A new Instagram post, sponsored by Adidas, unleashes a dystopic “work out regime.” (One she probably stole from Elon Musk’s nightmare sex diary.)

Screenshot:Grimes (Instagram)

I was interested in the veracity of the supplements and routines she described. A quick google revealed a treasure trove of “life extension serums,” some even linked to Alex Jones’s Infowars-branded supplements! (Which I will not link, and recommend you abstain from googling.) NAD+ supplements are definitely real, with many purporting to “extend your lifespan” and boost your “gene regeneration” abilities. As for “astro-gliding, I could find no (recently) published literature on the subject. In fact, “astro-gliding” is defined extensively in sex therapy books as a completely different experience involving anal sex. I love learning! She also mentions a “neuroplastic goal,” a phenomenom documented extensively by Silicon Valley CEOs looking to “enhance their brainwaves.” According to researchers, neuroplasticity describes your ability to create new neural paths over the course of your life. The science of measuring it, however, is still unpredictable and mostly guesswork.

What Jezebel staffers fixated on, however, was her alleged “experimental surgery” that removed blue light from her vision capabilities. I could not find a single documented study on the process, and here I began to question the veracity of her earlier claims. Seeing as she’s currently dating the world’s most controversial “provocateur,” I can only imagine the two having a laugh somewhere in his palatial Malibu estate. She’s sitting on a shag rug, polka dotted socks adorning the feet she’s kicking in the air. Elon puts down his copy of Atlas Shrugged and tells her to knock it off. He’s in a hanging “bio-pod”—contemplating their latest art project, a rendition of “Live Laugh Love” that reads “Machine Cyborg Technology.” She plays with the peeling Naruto sticker on the back of her beat-up Macbook Air, and the two giggle over the internet’s collective meltdown over her latest round of press.

We reached out for comment, and will update if we hear back!

Woodstock 50 continues its streak as the most embattled music festival of the current summer slate. Co-organizer Michael Lang revealed plans of a 50th Anniversary this August before spinning out of control as investors, local authorities, and partnered production companies slowly turned against him. Seeking to dethrone the reigning vessel of Woodstock’s beleaguered ghost, Kenn Moutenout rose up with the “Woodstock Experience”—a two-day weekend retreat in North Carolina’s Blue Ridge Mountains. As Page Six reports, this displeased Lang greatly.

In quick time, Moutenot received a letter — seen by Page Six — from the firm of Hunton Andrews Kurth on behalf of Lang. It warns that Moutenot’s event’s unauthorized use of the “WOODSTOCK® trade name and trademark will cause consumers and the trade to mistakenly believe that [Lang’s] Woodstock Ventures has approved, or is connected with, your activities, and will dilute the strength of the WOODSTOCK® name and mark.” The letter demanded Moutenot cease the use of the name, so the new festival will now go ahead as WE2019.

Interestingly enough, the Woodstock Experience also holds claim over the majority of the original Woodstock performers. I sense a jealous streak in Lang! Now rebranded as WE2019, Moutenot’s event has moved to Saloon Studios in West Jefferson, North Carolina. I asked my editor, Julianne, to send me to the “Definitely Happening” festival for reasons of nosiness, mess, and journalistic integrity. She declined, citing the possibility of losing her best gossip to a potential Fyre Fest situation. Regardless, I think I’d photograph well with an aging ham sandwich! [Page Six]

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