J.Crew's Bridal Shorts Are Real, and They Are…Something

In Depth

What are bridal shorts? They’re shorts. Just shorts. Shorts with the word “bridal” in front of them. Literally any product is bridal so long as you put “bridal” in the name: Bridal yogurt. Bridal Q-Tips. Bridal satellite dishes. See? Now those things are all worth three times as much as they were before.

So, yes, bridal shorts. And in what one can only assume is a concerted effort to shatter the very foundation of wedding day fashion as we know it, J.Crew’s 2015 look book is boldly taking us where we’ve never gone before, for $450.

From a high-spending, high-fashion perspective, $450 shorts warrant a disinterested shrug at best—Dolce & Gabbana has a silk-satin pair for $1095. But from the wedding point of view, $450 is totally unreasonable for a pair of shorts that recall the timeless style of a fake satin pajama set straight from the sweatshop.

Don’t bother fainting over the idea of wearing shorts to your own wedding/reception; we live in a world with wedding rompers, and that world is casual as fuck. (I mean, it’s ridiculous—maybe this is the one day where you want to dress with some small sense of occasion?—but this is The Way We Live Now and there’s no point in complaining.)

So this look may actually be fine for a beach wedding so mellow that the guest list is limited to sand fleas and dead jellyfish. Alas, the extremely chill woman who would embrace that approach is probably not the sort of woman who would spend $450 on a pair of bedazzled track shorts.

Image via InStyle.

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