Ughhhhhh, Justin Bieber’s new song “Hold Tight” is so shitty, you guys. From the opening line in which someone creepily whispers “every birthday, every birthday” (thanks for that, by the way — my ear really needed a good molesting this afternoon) until Bieber’s last warbled “OOoooOOOoO,” it’s just non-stop awful. BUT it’s not just awful awful, it’s $EXXXY AWFUL — or, as JBiebs would have you believe, awfully $EXXXY.
Gone are Bieber’s sugary pop days of crooning “Baby, baby, baby, ohhhhh.” With “Hold Tight,” he wants you to know that he’s a man now and, like, has totally gotten a blow job before. Don’t believe him? WELL, COULD A PERSON WHO’S NEVER GOTTEN A BLOW JOB SING LYRICS LIKE THIS???