Large Impartial Son Pens Op-Ed

By Hannah Gold | October 5, 2018 | 2:50am

Politics

On Thursday, Supreme Court hopeful Brett Kavanaugh published an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal which, no matter how many times I read it dramatically out loud to myself, I can only imagine being spoken in the stunted, loud-mouth voice hockey of the nominee.

It begins, promisingly, with Kavanaugh referring to his mom as “one of the first women to serve as a Maryland prosecutor and trial judge, and my inspiration to become a lawyer,” and to his dad as “Ed.”

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He mentions his coaching of girls’ basketball teams again—maybe because he doesn’t have much to recommend himself to women, maybe because he loves to scream “huddle up!”—I don’t know but he keeps saying it.

From here, Judge Kavanaugh moves onto the professed topic of the op-ed, which is titled “I Am an Independent, Impartial Judge.” He writes, “a good judge must be an umpire—a neutral and impartial arbiter who favors no political party, litigant or policy…. I am a pro-law judge.”

At this point in the essay we understand that Kavanaugh likes the law, and coaching girls’ basketball, and his mom—but does he like crying and yelling? Emphatically, no!

“I was very emotional last Thursday, more so than I have ever been. I might have been too emotional at times. I know that my tone was sharp, and I said a few things I should not have said. I hope everyone can understand that I was there as a son, husband and dad. I testified with five people foremost in my mind: my mom, my dad, my wife, and most of all my daughters.”

Kavanaugh clearly wishes to blame his temperament on the Democrats, who asked him pointed questions during the hearing, and the women who accused him of sexual misconduct and assault.

“At times, my testimony—both in my opening statement and in response to questions—reflected my overwhelming frustration at being wrongly accused, without corroboration, of horrible conduct completely contrary to my record and character. My statement and answers also reflected my deep distress at the unfairness of how this allegation has been handled.”

Whatever happens, Kavanaugh will still be good at being related to people; and he’s continued to write those yearbook quotes! “Every day I will try to be the best husband, dad, and friend I can be,” explains Kavanaugh. “I will remain optimistic, on the sunrise side of the mountain. I will continue to see the day that is coming, not the day that is gone.”

As a daughter, a granddaughter, an independent lady blogger, and friend, I am disappointed this letter does not contain any stories about boofing at Tobin’s house.