London Fashion Week 2022: The Designers Are Not OK

September—or “Fashion month,” as long-legged, thin people with money like to call it—continues with London Fashion Week. But this year, in light of recent news, doctor offices canceled appointments, McDonald’s locked their doors, and LFW also said, “time to mourn, innit?”

Following Queen Elizabeth’s death and funeral announcement, the British Fashion Council canceled everything scheduled for Monday, September 16, as well as all store openings and parties for the entire week. Both Burberry and Raf Simons, two of LFW’s biggest names, canceled their shows out of “a sign of respect.” Burberry rescheduled their show to September 26—the last day of Milan Fashion Week and the first day of Paris Fashion Week. This means nothing, except that we’ll undoubtedly be assailed by top models on Instagram freaking out about how they had less than 24 hours to get from the Burberry show in London to the Dior show in Paris. Stress!!!!

But the Brits are nothing if not a bunch of sarcastic blokes ingrained with the mentality to Keep Calm and Carry On. Despite the national (and international) grieving, protesting, heckling, canceling and delaying, etc., designers managed to get their models on the catwalk to give us the all the pomp and circumstance we expect from the Brits and their clothes.

So ‘bout that time now, eh chaps? Here are your bloody fashion photos.

This look is a monument to all the times you made your stuffed animals make out. “Now kiss” in outfit form.

Some designers are honoring the late queen with their looks but seemingly only Halpern paid homage to the new queen consort, Camilla Parker Bowles. This hair might read at Farrah Fawcett, but the real ones who watched The Crown season 3 know who this look is actually acknowledging.

Inspiration is Chihuly’s rendition of Britney wearing a python at the VMAs. Go!

JW Anderson is just coming right out and saying it: RIP Your Majesty. I would have gone with a tribute a bit more regal than what looks like a free event t-shirt you wear to bed, but alas! The queen died only a week and a half ago—so this is what you go with if you want the outfit done by showtime.

No one tell Farmer McGregor that bunnies are loose on the runway! I love a nod to both British pastoral aesthetic and Halloween.

Look out, corner safety mirrors have made it into the high fashion world! This number is the look for casting the male gaze back onto its originator.

I feel deeply seen by this outfit because it’s exactly what I look like when trying on fancy clothes. Some part of it gets stuck on my head, I don’t have pants on, I’m frustrated. This look really deconstructs the process.

Fashion loves to highlight body parts, but it’s rarely quite this literal.

The black anti-halo thing says “back off,” but the rest of the dress says “worship me.” It’s giving Maleficent sans horns.

Spoiler alert! In season 5 of The Handmaid’s Tale, Offred gets seven more friends killed, steals a submarine, successfully rolls her eyes at Aunt Lydia without getting any appendages chopped off, and finally escapes Gilead. A triumphant end.

Sure, this may look like the perfect ensemble to run outside and dance-laugh-frolic Drew Barrymore-style in the rain. But with its near-full top body coverage, this canary yellow shuttlecock should probably stay on the Badminton court.

Designers have placed cutouts on our necks, our backs, our nipples, and our cracks. But no designer has ever been bold enough to put a cutout on the most universally flattering part of every average human’s body: the space where your boob flop meets the top of your belly pouch. Until now!

This feels less like a tribute to the Queen and more like a situation where someone said, “Ah shite, we prob should do something for Liz, eh?” Loving the relatable eye makeup.

When I was a young girl playing Mermaid Villains with my friends, this is exactly the outfit I always envisioned myself wearing: shell bikini armor with a cascading chain veil, tied together with rope collected from the boats of the sailors whose souls I’ve captured.

The worst thing about all the fashion weeks being in September is that the collections are definitely for spring. Logically, I understand. But emotionally? While I need to be gearing up for the dark, cold, depressing wells of winter, these shows have my brain going, “Chop off your hair and dye it orange. Turn your comforter into a drop-neck sateen dress. Show the tulips who their master is.” Fashion is a cruel tease.

VIN + OMI obviously had a lot to say, and who can blame them? It can be tough to get your message across, especially when it’s just one or two little words. I support us all getting way too literal and just wearing whiteboard headbands stating our feelings come May.

Also, tag your big three! I’m a rage rising, greed sun, and the skirt on the “No War” guy moon.

If spring’s hottest new accessory is going to be a little drum you attach to your crotch, then sign me the hell up. Brunch is about to get way more insufferable.

My dark mermaid boyfriend!!!

There is literally not one thing about this outfit (bathing suit, underwear set, rib harness?) that I don’t love. Give me some seashell nipple tassels and find me next to this man on the beach next summer, calf socks and pink iridescent platforms included.