Lordy Lordy.


While laughing at the New Peter Pan Guy yesterday, we came across a curious little gem called Restoredmarriages (‘For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce. Malachi 2:16’), founded by, yup, the New Peter Pan Guy, Tim H. Corban himself.

Anyway, since losing his beloved Kenisha, Tim’s been rounding up some other losers couples who were estranged and then reunited in the love of the Lord, but only after having had sex with someone else (oops! Looks bad for ya there, Timmy) and getting them to spill the beans.

Here’s Lorne Matthews, who’s been a very naughty boy:

” Our family started using the hair styling services of a woman in our church. One day I visited the shop in her home for a haircut. As she completed the job, she gently caressed me and this action sparked the fire of lust within me to become fully kindled. The iniquity I hid in my heart now erupted into a blazing fire. We met next day, determined to divorce our mates and continue this abundant life our sinful hearts craved.”

Whew! He sure moves fast. Anyway, he moved out, met a millionaire and had lots of sex. And then everyone started dying, so he went back to his wife. That’s the short-story. If you want the steamy and enjoyably batty full version, head on over to restoredmarriages.org. It’s where all the cool kids hang out.

[earlier nutter]

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