Massive Senior Prank Gets 62 High School Kids Arrested

By Lindy West | May 1, 2014 | 7:10pm

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Sometimes, when you’re feeling fat or tired or behind on life, it’s important to remember that “laziness” is relative.

Do not let yourself be oppressed by traditional standards of productivity! Sure, maybe you don’t like jogging, but you stayed up all night making Chris Pratt gifs!!!!! That took devotion. Maybe you flunked out of Econ 201, but you’ve read every Wheel of Time book and you remember the name of every fucking innkeeper and minor river smuggler. Tell me that’s not a form of genius. We all expend our energies in different ways. We all shine in different constellations.

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Case in point: The 62 high school seniors arrested after a massive pranking spree at their high school might seem like underachieving ne’er-do-wells, but HOW MANY DOORKNOBS HAVE YOU PETROLEUM-JELLIED TODAY, TRACY FLICK!?

Via FOX:

Police say officers arrested 62 students after responding to a burglar alarm at Teaneck High School at about 2:30 a.m. Thursday.

Officials say they found urine in hallways, petroleum jelly on doorknobs, desks flipped over, chairs broken, graffiti on the walls and balloons strewn throughout the building.

The 38 juveniles arrested are being turned over to their parents. The 24 students who are 18 or older were charged with burglary criminal mischief.

Authorities say they arrested most of the students involved, but a few may have sneaked away.

Now, obviously this kind of vandalism is shitty, because public school systems are already strapped for cash and don’t need to be replacing broken chairs, and janitors shouldn’t have to clean up your urine. Dillweeds. At my high school, the big senior “prank” was that the outdoorsy kids would get out their carabiners and climb up to paint “BULLDOGS ’01!!!!!” on the smokestack. Why not do something like that—where the only expensive permanent damage is, potentially, to your personal tender bones? (Wait, actually don’t do that. I AM NOT ADVOCATING THAT.)

But anyway, sixty-two is so many kids!!! It is an impressive display of coordination. So, I guess, if your arrest record messes with graduation, you can always put “stellar team management” on your resume. Good luck, kiddos.