Meanwhile, Chez Loser…

Meanwhile, Chez Loser…
Photo:Drew Angerer (Getty Images)

Donald Trump is reportedly m-m-m-mad about the election, though not because he’s lost. You see, the president—who has no path to victory anymore, at least no constitutionally sanctioned path to victory, now that Democratic rival Joe Biden has secured the needed electoral votes to win the presidency—doesn’t think he’s lost!

Despite every credible news source calling the race for Biden on Saturday, Trump has yet to concede victory to the former vice president, the Associated Press reports. That’s probably because, uhhhhh…he apparently has no plans to? According to anonymous sources who spoke with CNN on Friday, the Republican incumbent has been saying for days now that he has no intention to concede. He reportedly hasn’t even drafted a concession speech! Instead, Trump has been spending most of his time watching TV, grumbling at the talking heads for not defending his increasingly illegitimate claim to the White House—when he hasn’t been lying about winning the election on Twitter dot com, that is.

The president has also been scamming his supporters into helping him pay off reelection campaign debt under the guise of raising funds to challenge Biden’s win in court. Over the past couple of days, his campaign and the Republican National Committee have been sending dozens of daily texts and emails urging recipients to “protect the integrity of this election” by donating to fundraising pages at the links provided, The Wall Street Journal reports. But according to the fine print on those pages, as much as 50% of donations will go towards covering debt accrued during Trump’s reelection campaign as well as to the RNC.

Is Trump’s attempt to mount a legal challenge to Biden’s victory all a not-so-clever ruse to break even by the time he leaves the White House, or is he really that delusional? Perhaps a little of column A, and a little of column B? Whatever the case, fuck this literal, actual loser!

UPDATE, 4:40 p.m. EST: Loser sighting confirmed.

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