Megan Fox Is Not Having Sex or Eating Anything Delicious

CelebritiesDirt Bag

While promoting a movie about belligerent reptiles, Megan Fox has revealed to the universe that she neither eats carbs nor has much sex.

When asked about her husband — who is apparently a man named Brian Austin Green — on the red carpet, she responded, “Brian doesn’t get any intimacy whatsoever.” When asked about her diet at another event, she said, “I cut out all bread and those sort of carbohydrates. No crackers, no pretzels, no chips. Nothing unhealthy. The worst thing I put in my body is coffee, once a day.” There are no cheat days in the Megan Fox Kingdom, she adds, but if there were she would use them to consume pizza or cake.

Megan Fox’s life still remains shrouded in mystery, but now we can cross off “eating bread while intercoursing” as a potential hobby. [Page Six, Hello]

Drake maybe thinks Rihanna is the devil, as evidenced by his recent stage effects, which featured a giant image of her face flashing up in the midst of a fiery 666. Very subtle. [TMZ]

Kim Kardashian tweeted some stuff about baby weight and how she would like to lose 15-2o pounds. I have been on Instagram once or twice and think she looks great, but to each her own, I suppose. [Us]

  • Another Beyoncé and Jay Z conspiracy theory, because why not: their marriage issues are all inventions, made up in order to sell concert tickets. The plot thickens? Idk. [Billboard]
  • Robin Thicke does NOT have a new girlfriend. You still have time to make your move 😉 [Bossip]
  • Ian Somerhalder and Nikki Reed have been dating for like two weeks now; thus, they have adopted a horse. As one does in the throes of new love. [NY Daily News]
  • Joe Jonas and Blanda Eggenschwiler, a woman who is really named that, have broken up. [NY Daily News]
  • Look at this chill-ass pic of Peter Dinklage with a mullet and a laser cannon. [HuffPo]
  • Miley Cyrus got a new tattoo that reads “LOVE YER BRAIN.” Miley mostly expresses her love for her brain by ornamenting the top of it with craft supplies and taking LSD, I think. [MTV]
  • Even though Jennifer Garner went outside in a loose-fitting top one time, she is not pregnant. HUH. [Just Jared]
  • Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher ate LOBSTER POP TARTS at a restaurant. [People]
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