Melania—Scorned Yet Again!

Melania—Scorned Yet Again!
Photo:Getty Images

Has Melania been a bad girl? Besides some hideous Christmas decorations, or her probable war against the Jezebel staff’s right to vape, she wasn’t exceptionally naughty this year. If she had literally broken into the newsroom, beaten me up, and stolen my Juul right from my hands, maybe we would have an issue! But this year has made the First Lady seem more sad and pathetic than years past, which is a feat of magnificent achievement for her, and definitely deserving of at least a lump of coal the size of the diamonds or gold bricks Trump first wooed her with. Sadly, however, not even Melania, whose husband is the most powerful man in the world—in his own mind—could conjure up some pity coal this Christmas. Sad!

Politico reports that on a phone call with some troops somewhere, Donald Trump was asked what he’d gotten his wife, who is definitely not a robot or a body double. Here’s what he had to say:

“That’s a tough question …. I got her a beautiful card. … A lot of love. We love our family, and we love each other. We’ve had a great relationship, hopefully like you do with your spouses. … I’m still working on a Christmas present. There’s a little time left. Not much, but a little time left.”

From his inability to talk about his relationship with Melania like they aren’t already divorced and arguing about the division of Amalfi Coast mansions and fine china in a Manhattan courtroom, it’s clear this man does not intend on gifting this lady any Christmas presents this year. Which begs the question: Has Melania ever been given a Christmas gift by the assemblage of cockroaches and self tanner vaguely in the shape of her husband? Unclear!

In 2017, she told some random children at Washington D.C.’s Children’s National Hospital what she asked Santa for: “I asked Santa for Christmas, uh, peace on the world, health, love and kindness.” No word on if Santa ever followed through on that. The same year, she spoke about the meaning of Christmas at a Toys for Tots event as Joint Base Anacostia-Bolling, saying: “It is my hope that during this holiday season, people will remember it is not about gifts.” I’m sure she whispered this to herself many times that Christmas morning, laying there, praying that a man would slide down her chimney and finally bless her with some Jimmy Choos more modern than the ones she’d been photographed with that year. That also did not happen, likely, so she probably just laid there, and kept laying there, until 2019 finally rolled around and she once again found herself laying there, a single card on her bedside table that read, in crayon: “I am Donald Trump. -Donald Trump.” [Politico]

Here is some truly shocking news, that definitely no one expected! A recent MSN poll shows that popular support for Trump’s removal from office is higher than ever, up to 55 percent on Christmas Day. Truly shocking stuff! Yahoo News reports that last week, this figure was around 48 percent, which was countered by 47 percent of people opposed to his removal from office.

On Twitter, pollster and economist David Rothschild claimed that anyone who follows this sort of thing closely knows that “people rarely make big jumps from Opposition to Support, but slowly move through don’t know or third-party.” As he sees it, “This polling is a clear sign that Republican policy of complete obstruction is not selling well to voting public.” Whether this will translate to any tangible change in electoral votes, however, is unlikely in the immediate. Across the board, pundits and pollsters are united in the belief that Trump still has a stranglehold on the Republican party. Short of an armed revolution, immediate unrest in the Republican voting body is just more noise. Welcome noise–but still noise!

Alternatively, this is a very big deal, and I have cycled so far past casual apathy about the impeachment process that I am incapable of feeling joy or surprise. [Yahoo]

Something something, jokes write themselves, something something, the irony, something something.

  • There is literally nothing that could go wrong with the current Supreme Court weighing in on whether or not revenge porn is considered protected speech. [Washington Post]
  • Tulsi Gabbard re-emerges in red pantsuit instead of white. [NBC News]
  • Pete Buttigieg announces hairbrained scheme to lower his average donation amount by launching a contest for the “lowest donation.” The prize up for grabs is currently unclear, but maybe it will include eating a piece of that sad, disgusting pizza slice that was up for grabs earlier this year! [The Hill]
  • Fuck these Alabama sheriffs who are forcing inmates into medical debt while imprisoned or awaiting trial. [AL]
  • Former Trump staffer sues for pregnancy discrimination. [Politico]
  • The same troll accounts and sock puppets found to be at blame for election meddling in 2016 are also at the heart of various Star Wars related firestorms. [NYT]
  • Canadians did not want to see Trump in their Christmas movie. Understandable! [The Hill]
  • More governors should do this, which is, pardon people who are under threat of deportation. [CNN]
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