'Merry Christmas Law' to Shove Holiday Cheer Down Your Heathen Throat


If you don’t know anything about American state politics, a good rule of thumb that governors with “Rick,” “Scott,” or “Jan Brewer” in their names tend to be real pieces of work* (*jerks). So it should come as no surprise that Rick Perry of Texas, one of the Rickiest Ricks who ever did Rick, used the signing of a so-called “Merry Christmas Law’ as an opportunity to point out that Rick Perry believes that no one in America should be free from religion. And by “religion,” of course he means “Christianity.”

According to Raw Story, the YOU’LL HAVE A MERRY MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS AND YOU WILL LIKE IT bill legally enshrines the rights of schoolchildren and teachers to use religious greetings and display certain religious holiday symbols on school grounds.

The fact that students can already say “Merry Christmas” at school until they’re blue in the face without fear of punishment aside, Perry’s interpretation of the constitution: that the Founding Fathers intended for us to be balls deep in God, constantly. Quoth the ex-Presidential candidate,

I’m proud we are standing up for religious freedom in our state. Freedom of religion doesn’t mean freedom from religion.

Well that’s kind of ominous and totalitarian-sounding. Good thing he’s only the guy in charge of the 14th largest economy in the world.

Call me a cynic (or call me a person who is familiar enough with Rick Perry’s Dick Tracy villain face to read between the lines) but I highly suspect that this law wasn’t intended to apply to non Judeo-Christian religious tidings. Like, can you imagine Rick Perry skipping around spreading Ramadan greetings to his Muslim friends? Do you think he’ll send Tet cards? And what about the Pastafarians?

But I guess someone needed to put the “Oh, Christ” back in Christmas.


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