OkCupid, "Where Post-Racial Dreams Go To Die"


A reader emailed us with screen captures of a conversation she had with a gentleman — and we use that term loosely — on OkCupid. What follows is a true story, fraught with ignorance, casual racism and assholery.

The reader — we’ll call her “Alice” — writes:

Please keep in mind I’ve never chatted with, emailed, winked at this sorry sack of crap. This is the exchange in its entirety; there was no preceding chat. “get your black ass over here with some comic books,” was his opening line. I must have re-read this ten times before responding. Granted, my profile reflects the fact that I’m black and white, and that I like comics. This chump really ran with that. He then goes on to mention a graphic novel I make no reference to on my page, which is the only potential source for information he has about me. After I question what the hell he’s saying he tells me,”dont be so serious” and “hmm thats crazy cause I grew up with a black stepdad and two black stepbros.” Would it be asking too much to have a semi literate racist offend me? His closing line makes me saddest of all – “nothing I did was remotely racist. grow up.”
I’m a mixed woman in my mid twenties living in the Bay Area. I like to think I have a good sense of humor. I’m generally known to be a habitual line stepper in regards to acceptance of mildly racist humor…and some pretty totally racist humor. That is to say, I’m not easily offended. Nothing on my page could even loosely be interpreted to mean I’d be ok with this kind of ignorant b.s. A particularly vile skinhead at a punk show once beat me up, and aside from the physical damage this made me feel almost as bad.

Here’s the exchange; Alice’s remarks are in gray, and he gentleman’s are in black:

We don’t know much about the dude in question, but from this brief exchange we can surmise:

  • He has no concept of white privilege or how much he relies on it to get through the day
  • He thinks that growing up with black people gives him some kind of “pass” in regards to how he treats other black people
  • He may be harboring some kind of resentment stemming from the racial makeup of his family
  • He is the one who needs to grow up
  • He will be single for awhile

Thanks for writing, Alice. Good luck.

Earlier: Online Dating And The Real “Stuff White People Like”

Shutterstock.” />

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Share Tweet Submit Pin