Bravo has revealed its new slate of programming and, among things, announced that Manzo’d with Children has inexplicably been renewed. That questionable decision aside, Bravo is hitting us hard with some enticing programming—by Bravo standards.
It’s an exciting time when Bravo unveils a new crop of reality television offerings because with each year, they must push the Bravo brand to even higher heights and deeper depths.
What makes a Bravo Television show great? Well, it must start, first and foremost, with a strong base of shamelessness. Then, you mix in a healthy cup of insanity and social skill problems. You must make sure that it features a lifestyle that is particularly unique or absurd. And, perhaps most importantly, an excellent Bravo show must contain that special quality: the one where you know you should look away, but you keep getting drawn back in.
Below I’ve ranked all of Bravo’s upcoming series based on their Bravo-ness, which directly correlates to my likelihood of watching. We start from the least Bravo-like and work our way up.
Fit Club (working title)
It’s survival of the fittest for New York City’s hottest trainers who are competing for the same wealthy Manhattanites and famous celebrity clients. If they can’t keep their romances, feuds and professional jealousies in check, things could get physical.
Real fans/those who lack a consistent, exciting social life will remember that Bravo tried this exact same show a few years ago—Work Out. It’s the one that starred that blonde lesbian with the trendy haircut who looked like she had been chiseled out of bronze.
Work Out taught me that watching other people work out isn’t that fun. Had this been a good idea in the first place, the original show would probably still be around. Also, actual celebrities are not going to appear on a reality show that films them working out—so what’s the point?
Recipe for Deception
It is a battle of secrets and knives in this fast-paced and innovative self-contained cooking competition series where a chef’s cunning is almost as important as their culinary skill. In each stand-alone episode host Max Silvestri guides four new chefs through head-to-head elimination rounds in which they are tasked with creating a stunning dish featuring a main ingredient. The twist is that they have no idea what that ingredient is while cooking. Based on the popular parlor game ‘Two Truths and a Lie,’ competing chefs ask each other three “yes or no” questions to determine what their mystery ingredient is, and their opponent answers strategically with two truthful answers and one outright lie. If you can’t stand deceit, get out of the kitchen.
Ok, so this is Bravo’s version of Chopped? To be fair, Bravo did change the cooking show game with Top Chef so I guess technically this is in their lane. I’ll probably won’t watch this all season and then will marathon all the episodes one Sunday afternoon while nursing a hangover.
Après Ski (working title)
When the rich and famous want the ultimate winter ski vacation, the hottest place to go is Whistler, British Columbia where breathtaking mountain adventures are only rivaled by off slope après ski extravagance. In a town where the stakes are as high as the slopes, meet the well-groomed staff at this luxurious concierge company who are the behind-the-scenes magic-makers orchestrating once in a lifetime vacations for their upscale and demanding clients.
Growing up, my family and I went to Whistler with some frequency, because we lived in Seattle and would just drive up for the weekend. I don’t remember it being quite the rich people’s playground that Bravo is trying to sell it as. Also, let’s not exaggerate: The stakes are not “as high as the slopes.” Vacation is literally never a high-stakes operation. I don’t care about this.
Below Deck Mediterranean
The “Below Deck” franchise is heading to the world’s oldest cruising grounds, the Mediterranean Sea, for its next super-yacht charter season. The new European setting not only provides spectacular scenery, culture and nightlife, but a whole new level of service standards and charter guest demands.
I wonder how they’re going to improve on the current Below Deck, because that show has been solidly mediocre for two seasons now. This is going to sound terrible, but watching “the help” wait on ridiculous rich people is not as fun as just watching ridiculous rich people be stupid. Plus, I relate too much to the employees working on the ship, and I don’t go to Bravo for relatability. I feel cautious about this one.