Ryan Lochte and Ryan Lochte's Mom Issue Urgent Clarification About Ryan Lochte's Penis


Earlier this week, Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte’s mother told the press that her preening, winking Adonis of a son had no time for relationships because he was always “on the go.” “He only goes on one night stands,” she said. And it’s all America’s vaginas could talk about for the next 24 hours. But now, both Lochte and his mother are backpedaling — she didn’t mean like one night fuck stands, she meant one night date stands.

In a USA Today piece that reads like it was written by a publicist, both Lochte and his mother Ike clarify that obviously “one night stands” means only going out on a date with someone once and then never calling them again. It has nothing to do with having hot slippery hairless swimmer sex after a few drinks at a bar in Gainesville, Florida frequented by 20-year-old University of Florida sophomores teetering in platform heels that will lead to long-term foot damage. She said,

How innocent is that? All I wanted to say is that he’s so sensitive about not wanting to hurt a girl dating, so he just goes and dates and takes out a girl for maybe one or two dates and doesn’t have a relationship because he doesn’t have (time) and it’s not fair to the women. I thought that was so sensitive, but then they turned it around. I’m not used to this. … What kind of mom is going to say that (about her son having one-night stands)? Especially being a mom and having two daughters.

No. Dates. Ryan Lochte is up to his ears in traditional dinner/movie evenings.

But Ryan is undaunted by this media’s reaction to his mother’s statements. As a self-proclaimed rock star (and hall of fame worthy sexy d-bag), he’s used to it (“He’s had enough experience with the media to know that these things happen,” writes USA Today his publicist.)

Besides, if the Lochte family shares a Bad at Interviews gene, it’s no wonder she confused “one night stand” with “traditional, chaste malt sharing.” Witness her son lighting up the screen:

Video via Buzzfeed SHIFT


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