Sandra Bullock's Terrifying Oscar Host Idea Is My Favorite Yet


The Academy is understandably scrambling to find a host for the 2019 Oscar Awards, and Sandra Bullock has one terrifying idea. It’s so sick, I’m not even sure I can print it here. I’m getting full-body chills just thinking about what the show would be like if this were the strategy the Academy went with, and it’s also the best idea I’ve heard yet.

In an interview with the Associated Press, Bullock suggested:

…Random actors should be pulled out of the audience and read what’s on the teleprompter to cover a segment of the show.
Organizers “don’t even have to tell them it’s happening, just put up the teleprompter, and go, ‘it’s your turn,’” Bullock said. “You’re an actor, figure it out.”

You’re an actor, figure it out.

Now please read that again in the voice of Hannibal Lector, and imagine that the Academy is Clarice Starling, desperately pining for a new host. Fitting, right?

Perhaps the proposal is less startling to actors whose job it is to perform in front of others, but every time I’m in a show where the person on stage is taking volunteers or picking people up at the audience, I feel like I want to die. Don’t look at me, oh my god, don’t look at me. And even if they’re actors, just think of all the fumbling and nervous pronunciation mistakes… I want to scream just thinking about it… but I also WANT to see it?!

“Bullock says it’s a genius solution that everyone in the room is perfectly suited to handle,” the AP reports, noting that while Bullock isn’t even attending the ceremony next year, she would still be game to participate.

So she’s not even going to be there to witness the hell she’s unleashed upon every unsuspecting actor? Something is wrong with her, but she is also a genius.

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