With the certainty of the tides, Twitter follows a sort of circadian rhythm which helps to give the screaming horrors of the the world a dulcet pulse like waves lapping against the sand. At least if the world is going to be a terrifying chaos cyclone, then the regularity of the news cycle gives it some structure and resolution by 8PM log-off. If you missed today’s apocalypse scare, around midday EST, Hawaiians received a false emergency alarm on their phones which looked like this:
“Rihanna Seeks Tenant for West Hollywood Micro-Compound”
[Usually Donald Trump tweets something]
“Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Attend Friend’s Birthday Dinner Amid Kylie Jenner Labor Rumors”
“Trump Thinks Only Black People Are on Welfare, But, Really, White Americans Receive Most Benefits”
Is it Kim Kardashian or Kim Kardashian West?
“BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER.”
Lunch: World ending, order Thai. Change mind because there are healthier sensible options in the fridge, and I probably have to get up tomorrow.
The ballistic missile–false alarm
“Mark, Donnie Wahlberg Want To Protect Their Special Sauce”
“Chelsea Manning Is Running For Senate”–yay!
Missile update from the New York Times: Official says the alert was a mistake made in the shift change procedure. “Someone clicked the wrong thing on the computer,” he said. “It was erroneous.”
Ha ha
“Friendly Sloth Just Wants To Hitch A Ride On A Bus”
And so, animal news signals dusk. Here, because we need it.
