The Bachmann Kids Want You to Start Referring to Michele Bachmann as 'Mom'

Supporters of Michele Bachmann may have been a little startled this morning when they received an email from Lucas Bachmann, Michele’s son and little Tea Party brat in the making, with the subject “Mom’s birthday.” It’s mom’s birthday? Wait, who’s mom? My mom’s? No, it’s MOM’S birthday. Mommy Michele, of course! How could we be so silly!

You know how difficult it is to pick out presents for your mom, right? It always ends up with you and your dad running around the mall right before it closes and settling on a bedazzled heart-shaped pendant, some candles and a coaster that say’s “YOU’RE THE BEST, MOM.” Little ole’ Lucas has trouble figuring out what his mom really wants, too, other than exacting her diabolical plan to become this nation’s leader.

“This Saturday is our mom’s 57th birthday,” wrote Lucas, “and when we were thinking of what to get her- it occurred to us- what Mom would l love the most is to hear from all of her friends and supporters like yourself.” Sounds like Lucas and his four siblings were just spitballing in their basement one night while playing Go Fish, not sitting in the Bachmann for Congress headquarters coming up with ways to make mommy dearest appear to be a little less sinister than her beliefs on homosexuality lead her on to be.

So, in an act of genuine love for Mommy Michele, Lucas, Harrison, Caroline, Elisa and Sophia Bachmann want you to wish their mom a happy birthday. Also, maybe if you feel sorry for her enough, you could donate some money to her campaign. Lucas suggests $57, because that’s as many dollars as years Michele Bachmann has unleashed her crazy on the world.

They’re presenting the card to Mom on Saturday, so shh! Don’t tell! But keep forwarding this weird email to as many friends of Mom as you can.

Lucas ends his heartwarming email with a thanks: “It is not easy to stand up to the liberals and the mainstream media who attack [Mom] and our values, but we know that your support will mean the world to her.” You heard him, kids. Wish Mom a happy birthday and help her stand up to those bullies she calls the “media”! And then come to your senses and stop calling Michele Bachmann “mom” please.