The Elusive Chanteuse Cooks Up a Frito Pie

“Boy, you actin’ so corny like Fritos,” is a sentence that the great Mariah Carey sings in her latest single “Infinity.” Do you think Mariah even eats Fritos or is she more of a Doritos type of girl? These are the kinds of thoughts that keep me up at night. Mimi put on her chef’s hat for a Funny or Die skit called “Cooking with Mariah,” where she makes Frito pie that looks nothing like the ones I used to get at my high school’s carnival. Those were basically just chili and cheese dumped into a bag of delicious corn chips. As Mariah massages lettuce, M&Ms and a glass of sangria into the Fritos while wearing latex gloves and a diamond butterfly ring, she remembers an old Italian lover named Frito who stole her car.

Mariah’s Frito pie reminds me of the recipe that Elvira made on Mistress of the Dark which caused all the stuffy townspeople to become super horny. We don’t get to see if it has the same effect because director Brett Ratner, who makes an appearance to sample the dish, ends up spitting it out. If there ends up being future installments of “Cooking with Mariah,” I hope she uses a George Foreman grill to create some culinary masterpieces in honor of the lyrics to her song “Obsessed” where she sings, “Why you so obsessed with me? He’s all up in George Foreman.”