The Insane Rachel Maddow Interview To End All Interviews

By Megan Carpentier  |  March 11, 2009 | 10:00pm
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Vanity Fair‘s Rachel Maddow Q&A, conducted by the notorious George Wayne, manages to be so offensive and lacking in actual information that it makes my parody of such interviews look completely normal.

I mean, let’s take Wayne’s third question (mine was about the Afghanistan war):

G.W.: Now here you are, the most famous television dyke, well, since Dinah Shore!

I mean, I’ll say anything for a laugh, but even I wouldn’t go there.

Then Wayne gets all obsequious about how smart Maddow is, quizzes her about other cable anchors who she doesn’t watch because she doesn’t have a television and ends up here:

G.W.: So, Miss “Cable Queen” as Vogue calls you, do you suffer from any paraphilia?
R.M.: Paraphilia?
G.W.: Listen to this saucy pendant! Paraphilia is having a rare erotic fetish. Perhaps you may indulge in eproctophilia?
R.M.: Duh?
G.W.: Darling! Eproctophiliacs are those sexually turned on by farts and farting!
R.W.: That word actually exists?
G.W.: It is the current rage of high society in jolly, kinky London. G.W. will admit to his Caesarophilia — erotic fascination with royalty. Especially that redhead Prince Harry. G.W. has been fantasizing more than ever of tossing that royal salad. I would floss every strand of that red burr to perfection.

If Wayne weren’t widely known to be actually this batshit crazy, I would bow in deference to a parodist without equal.

But none of it really compares to his sign-off:

G.W.: By the way, before your Peacock Network makeover, didn’t you have a dyke-stache?
R.M.: A what?
G.W.: Facial hair over your lip-a dyke-stache.
R.M.: I never had facial hair in my life.
G.W.: Thank you for that clarification, darling.

Support groups for those who now need to bleach their brains will be meeting at local New York City drinking establishments this evening.

Revenge Of The Nerd [Vanity Fair]

Related: Rachel Maddow’s Mustache [Jossip]

Earlier: Geeking Out With Rachel Maddow Over Cocktails, Lip Gloss & Politics

 
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