There are certain moments in life that become burned into our consciousness forever, like our first kiss. Well, what about the time a boy (or man) said something to us that murdered our body image?
For me, it happened in fourth grade, in the Aptakisic Junior High School auditorium. I was a bit husky for my age, thanks to undiagnosed hypothyroidism. The fact that I wore a bigger size than most girls my age secretely killed me. I was in the auditorium with a group of friends, including a boy I had a crush on, when another boy, named Matt, called me a cow. It seems ridiculous now, but I can still feel the shame and anger burning inside me, burying itself for decades to come. I don’t think that single comment caused my college eating disorder, but it certainly didn’t put me on the path to the Land of Self Loving.
Intrigued by the power of words, I inquired with other women and found most everyone has survived such a moment. Read on as other ladies share their stories, then share your memory in our Chime In section below.
The woman: Lindsey, 33
The perpetrator: Brad
Age: 12
The offense: “I was on the 7th grade cheerleading squad and I was wearing my uniform that day. I was in the lunch room, when a boy named Brad told me I was too fat to be a cheerleader. I immediately threw my lunch in the garbage and went to the nurse’s office, faking illness and asked my mom to pick me up. I was devastated. The next week, I took my babysitting money and went to Jenny Craig (totally against my parents’ wishes). Thankfully, they told me I was too young and too thin for their plan, but wow…what a mess that made me! I ran into Brad about 12 years ago and told him this story (which of course he didn’t remember) and he told me that he actually had a crush on me in junior high! Go figure…
The woman: Alison, 41
The perpetrator: Jason
Age: 12
The offense: “A guy I had a crush on was sitting behind me in class. I was looking in the mirror to check my makeup when he said, ‘What are you looking at, an elephant?’ I was 5’8”, 140 pounds. So, I went on a diet, barely ate anything, lost 10 pounds, the catalyst for a decade-long battle with body image and weight.
The woman: Maria, 48
The perpetrator: Doug
Age: 10
The offense: “In 5th grade, a boy named Doug turned around to pass back whatever worksheet was going around and said, ‘Ewww! You have a mustache!’ Yes, I was 10 and yes, I did have facial hair growing in the form of a mustache (and still do!) I have always been self-conscious about my Middle Eastern hairiness, but have comforted myself with the knowledge that I have a great head of hair and my kids would likely have the same great hair (and so far, so good!). Certainly Doug’s comment didn’t do anything to ease my self-consciousness, but I don’t think I’d have felt any better about it had he kept his mouth shut.
The woman: Melanie, 38
The perpetrator: Ex-husband
Age: 23
The offense: “My ex-husband once answered my generic, trying-on-clothes question, ‘Does my butt look big?’ with a very serious, ‘It’s a little bigger than I’d like.’ I was so upset!
The woman: Gina, mid-30s
The perpetrator: Charles
Age: Grade school
The offense: “A boy named Charles began calling me Large Sarge (my last name), which the other kids thought was hilarious and then they all decided to join in. Even though I wasn’t fat, I began thinking of myself that way, and to this day I always have to catch myself when I look in the mirror and see the fat person.”
The woman: Michelle, 33
The perpetrator: Adam
Age: 6th grade
The offense: “I was wearing a short-sleeved shirt and was at the water fountain when my crush Adam approached up. My right arm — operating the fountain — was bent at an angle by my ear. Suddenly, Adam started laughing and shouted, ‘Don’t clog the drain with your arm hair, Michelle!’ This incident made me forever self-conscious of my arm hair. I didn’t expose my arms again at school. I even waxed my arms for my wedding because I worried that my arm hair would ruin my wedding photos.”
Okay, commenters: Time to let it all out. Take it away.
This post originally appeared on iVillage. Republished with permission.
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Image via Karen Struthers/Shutterstock.]
