There's a Penis on My Backpack
LatestThere’s a penis on my backpack. A real one. I need to go to
school but there’s this large, black penis lazily resting on my backpack
and
really don’t know what to do. I am 12, kneeled down in front of this
penis like I’m examining a strange leaf or perhaps a weird mushroom. I
hesitantly reach for my pink backpack underneath, grimace, pull back and
shake
my head. “Ugh,” I think to myself as I stare at the 22 year old naked
male
attached to the penis, “This guy ruins EVERYTHING.”
Charles had already ruined the evening before, at dinner. We
had been throwing insults back and forth around the table and it all ended with
Charles triumphantly announcing that he had taken a shit and wiped his ass with
one of my favorite shirts, but he would never tell me which one. I tried to
leave the table to storm off to my room but Charles said it was bad manners to
leave before everyone else, so I had to stay.
But after all that had transpired that night, everyone was
still fully dressed when I had gone to bed. I didn’t really know what had
happened to leave me in my current predicament but the beer cans at the base of
the couch were a good clue. “Who does
this??” I thought to myself as I looked at this unconscious, naked man. I
started to walk back towards my mom’s room. “Mom.” I said flatly, with as much
judgement as I could put into my young voice, “Charles is naked on the couch on
my backpack.” But my mom was sound asleep, and the snoring from her sleep apnea
drowned out my voice. I thought of shaking her awake and dragging her out to
see for herself the person she had let into our lives, but I knew deep down that
I wouldn’t enjoy how sad she’d be.
I walked back into the livingroom, quietly picked up the
phone, and walked into the kitchen to call Darnesha.
“Darnesha,” I whispered.
“What,” she said groggily. It was still a little too early
to be heading out.
“Charles is asleep naked on the couch – on my backpack.”
“I’ll be right over.”
She hung up the
phone.