This Florida Man Would Rather Wear a Thong on His Face Than a Mask

Do I really need to ask some of you, in all sincerity, not to wear a thong on your face and perhaps wear an actual mask so I can go home for the holidays to see my mom? You’ve gotta be kidding me.

Regrettably, in some extremely shitty version of Groundhog’s Day, we are once again writing and reporting in the middle of a covid surge courtesy of Omarion. This time, it appears a Florida Man (fulfilling every single Florida Man stereotype) is out to ruin the holidays with a little red thong.

Now, normally, if you told me a dude was wearing women’s panties on his face, I’d be like, “okay, whatever, do your thing.” But when that dude is on a United Airlines flight and doing so to protest to the federal mask mandate, while wearing an anti-Biden shirt that read, “Let’s Go Brandon,” I have other things to say. Namely: what the actual fuck?! The dude in question was Adam Jenne, 38, of Cape Coral, Florida, and, as per local WSVN 7News he was later removed from the flight.

Jenne doubled down on his thong-wearing to WSVN 7News by saying: “Illustrating that absurdity by wearing women’s underwear on my face sounds perfect.”

As if this couldn’t get any more humiliating, Jenne then compared himself to civil-rights icon Rosa Parks, saying: “Everything else that has sparked change in this country has started from everyday people. Rosa Parks wasn’t famous. She changed the course of history.”

First of all, no. This dude is trying way too hard. I’d rather you drop the facade of covid comedian and just be an asshole and walk onto the plane without a mask.

Second, this man is not a civil rights activist, nor is he changing the world. If he is, it’s by melting our brains through sheer stupidity. He’s just another example of how our country is full of contradictory dickwads who scream and whine about protecting their freedoms, while supporting politicians who are in a rat race to take away women’s freedom to choose. But for sure, “my body, my choice,” right?

Third, to go back to my first point, wear a mask. We are in month 1,000 of a pandemic. I am tired of asking and I will keep finger-wagging until every red thong-adorned anti-masker is quarantined at home. If you want to get covid that’s fine by me, but you will not ruin another season of holiday travel for the rest of us.

Anyways, happy holidays! Fly safe everyone!