Welcome to a special Thursday edition of Midweek Madness, where we go to France, see Jurassic World with French subtitles, spot a billboard outside the theater for a tabloid called Oops! (the tagline is “Les scoops, c’est oops!”), run to the nearest newsstand, see Rihanna on the cover of its latest issue, and throw €1,50 at the man before running outside and realizing you only understand maybe 30% of what’s going on inside. This week: Rihanna is crazy for some guy (I think), Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes declared war on each other (I think), and Kim is literally on fire and in hell (I think).
Let’s see how much I was able to understand.
Oops!
RIHANNA: ELLE A CRAQUÉ POUR BENZEMA! LEONARDO, C’EST DU PASSÉ!
This is a “Scoop Oops!” which, I presume, is the French equivalent of an “inTouch Exclusive” – and it’s a big one. Sort of. I mean, I already knew Rihanna was dating Benzema, but it’s fun to see it confirmed in a European tabloid. OK, so Rihanna (whom the French lovingly call RiRi) is in love with Karim Benzema (whom she lovingly calls “My Baby Benze”), and they were seen hanging out recently. They started by dancing for hours at the Griffin Nigh Club, they they ate dinner at 5:00AM. “Between the sportsman and the groupie,” the story reads, “it smells like love at first nose.” Karim “arrived with his personal chef, but unfortunately he lost him in the coat room.” Weird!
Speaking of weird, Cristiano Ronaldo broke up with Irina Shayk because a he was “balancing his night girlfriend,” some Playboy Playmate! I’m not sure what it means to balance a night girlfriend, but it certainly didn’t make Shayk happy.
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