Thongs Are Ruining Your Vagina


I thought everyone stopped wearing thongs when super low rise boot cut whisker wash jeans went out of style, circa I’m A Slave 4 U Britney Spears. I guess I was wrong! I’m totally out of touch with the youth cultures! Speaking of cultures I don’t wish to touch: bacteria.

According to an in depth (I didn’t think this was an accidental pun about butt cracks until I read this over again, so: sorry) investigation by the Huffington Post, wearing a thong isn’t excellent for your vagina if you’re the type of lady who is prone to hoo-ha brouhaha.

Hoo-ha brouhaha= vagina infections. I don’t know what’s wrong with me this afternoon.

The problem with thongs, in addition to being uncomfortable (and prone to getting the very grossest of stains on them, rendering them sex inappropriate unless you’ve been with the person you’re currently sexing for more than six months), is that they simultaneously smother the vagina while leaving the labia unprotected. Smothering can cause women with sickly vaginas to have a tougher time shaking problems, and can contribute to recurrence of unpleasant afflictions like yeast infections.

Here’s another gross thing that thongs can cause: skin tags on your vulva. Due to a lack of coverage. Ick.

Don’t wear thongs, guys. Wouldn’t you rather have a visible panty line than a crotch infection?


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