​Want To Honor Your Late Pet? Send Its Remains into Deep Space!


If you have ever looked up at night and gazed upon the stars like humans have for millions of years, and wondered, “Hey, what if I put my dead dog’s ashes in a rocket and fired it way the fuck up there?” then have I got a special something for you.

Celestis Pets, is a spaceflight company that, for a fee, will send one gram of either ashes or a lock of hair from your pet “on an unforgettable launch into Outer Space.” Because matter from a lifeless creature probably has no sentience, let alone a memory, I’m assuming the “unforgettable” part of this journey is the price tag.

Celestis offers four different “journeys.” Earth Riser, which launches the capsules that house the animals’ remains just high enough to experience zero gravity before returning back to earth starts at $995. Earth Orbit is just that, and for $4,995 it remains in orbit “until it reenters the atmosphere, harmlessly vaporizing like a shooting star in final tribute.” You can send your pet to the moon with the $12,500 Luna package. And/or you can send that shit into DEEP FUCKING SPACE with their Voyager package, also $12,500.

Celestis has been doing “memorial launches” since 1997, but are only now opening up their services to pets, thank god. Now if you would excuse me, I need to get working on my Armageddon remake with all dogs before that Michael Bay gets his hands on the idea.

Image via Celestis.

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