What His Old Toys Say About Him


YourTango has a really dumb story called “What A Woman’s Stuffed Animals Say About Her.” If you have a teddy bear in your apartment, you’re down-to-earth! Got lots of dolls? You’re a freak! But what does his nostalgic stuff say?

Here’s our take on what the old toys he keeps around say about his dating habits:

Old Sports Trophies
He’s competitive, and may high-five you or slap your ass after sex. Warning: He’s got a tendency towards premature ejaculation, since he peaked early; his glory days may be behind him.

Blankie or Well-Loved Stuffed Animal:
Softie! Possibly a mama’s boy. Generous in bed; likes to cuddle. Warning: Might be clingy.

Baseball Cards:
Sweet, but physically assertive: When you’re making out, he’ll try going from first base to third fairly quickly. Warning: His savings account is empty.

He’s creative, and really likes to use his hands. Warning: He may have delusions of grandeur and a false sense of self-importance from assembling and dismantling entire communities.

Matchbox Cars:
He’d rather get his motor running and be out there on the highway. But you can do him in the backseat. Warning: Ask what a loop de loop is before you try it.

Superman stuff:
Careful, here: He’s attentive and powerful in bed, but he might have a glasses-wearing secret identity. Warning: If he says he’s in his Fortress Of Solitude, he’s probably masturbating.

Spider-Man stuff:
Loves a “girl-next-door” type. Restless, moves around a lot. Keeps secrets. Warning” He may get caught in his own web of lies.

Action Figures (He-Man, GI Joe, et al):
He has a strong fantasy life, in which he is stronger and braver. Dominant in bed, but open to role playing. Warning: Possible body dysmorphia.

Star-Wars Stuff
The force is strong with this one. He knows how to handle his lightsaber. Warning: If he seems distant in bed, it’s because his mind is in a galaxy far, far away.

What A Woman’s Stuffed Animals Say About Her [YourTango]

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Share Tweet Submit Pin