Who Is the Best Driver at Jezebel?

The first time I ever attempted to drive a car was in the parking lot of Staples in Kingston, New York, near the DMV. I had just acquired my learner’s permit and my father generously let me attempt to drive the one car we had in the family around the parking lot. When I shifted from first gear into second, the car made a noise that sounded expensive and so I stopped. I navigated a family friend’s rusty, boxy Volvo around the parking lot of the high school a few months later. An ex-boyfriend let me cautiously drive his car in the parking lot of a community college in San Francisco at night, where I managed to almost back out of a parking spot and nearly clipped a mailbox. I have not attempted to drive since.

However, I understand that this life skill is important. But working at Jezebel has given me the best gift of all: a staff of capable adults who could, if hard pressed, drive me and my stupid ass to the hospital, the club, or off a cliff, should the need present itself. In our current pre-apocalyptic times, it’s important to have a good driver on your side. The end is nigh. The wolves are howling. Get in the car, skank, the time is now.