World Cup Thighlights: A Portuguesa


In honor of Portugal’s epic 7-0 beatdown of North Korea (take note, Dear Leader), today’s edition of the tournament’s physical highlights will be devoted to the Selecção. And you can’t talk about the Selecção without talking about Cristiano Ronaldo here.

You can say these players are hot. And they are. Maybe you want to have their babies, or at the very least have them spoon you every night for the rest of your life. But that’s not what the World Cup is about. These matches are about skill and athleticism, and it is the athletic form that we are celebrating in this series. The Adonnis physique is not simply “hot” — it is the result of dedicated practice and determination, a lifetime of devotion and love for the game. The athlete’s body is lovely, but his heart is beautiful.

Say hello to Simao. Simao likes doing lunges, squats, and playing futbol in the wet, wet rain.

Miguel is another uni-monkered wonder. But his quadriceps confirm that he — like most of these guys — can call himself whatever he damn well pleases.

We’re sure Cha Jong-Hyok is a big deal. But right now, Fabio Coentrao is a bigger deal. We needn’t explain why.

Out of respect to the North Korean team’s efforts, here’s a shot of Jong Tae-Se.

And now back to Portugal (and Miguel).

So: Cristiano Ronaldo. When assembling these thighlights, it was difficult to resist the urge to make it an all-Ronaldo edition.

In his photos, even the most minute leg muscles are visible. He’s like the Bodies exhibit.

Oh my God. See what I mean?

Okay, fine. We surrender. White flag, etc.

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