12 Days of Fuck This: 11 White Elephant Gifts That Should Be…Poached
The trading of silly trinkets has been around since the early 20th century, but as humanity devolves further into debt and stupidity, it's evolved from sachets to scratch-offs and toilet paper.
Photo: YouTube Entertainment
Disclaimer: I believe only in metaphorical poaching.
Welcome back to the 12 Days of Fuck This! Today, we’re hating on a time-honored tradition: The White Elephant. Also known on the eastern seaboard as a “Yankee Swap.” The trading of silly trinkets has been around since the early 20th century, but as humanity devolves further into debt and stupidity, it’s evolved from sachets and talking machines (or whatever people bought each other then) to scratch-offs and toilet paper.
Now, I don’t necessarily hate the concept of the White Elephant. In the past, I’ve received gifts I’ve loved (a book of 70s-era concert photography), gifts I’ve liked (a handle of Malibu rum), but most importantly, gifts I’ve loathed (the list is long). On top of everything else one has to do at the holidays, it seems like a lot of effort for a little laugh. When I’m working full time and running (and clicking) all over hell to pick the perfect gift for people I actually like, you think I have time to be clever??? I don’t. Further, I’ve already been forced to participate so many times in the past that I’ve seen all the attempts at funny I can tolerate. I can’t fake laugh at an empty box anymore. Therefore, I’d rather sit it out.
But in case any of you are one day in a White Elephant exchange with me, here are 11 items (in no particular order) that I hope never to receive again:
11. Squatty Potty: As a woman with IBS-C, my culture is not a costume.
10. Self-portrait: Believe it or not, I don’t think a photo of you — not even a signed one — is one bit funny.