College Kid Writes Dumbest Possible Op-Ed on Fast Food Wage Strikes
Ah, college. A time for experimentation, a time to gain wisdom, a time for all of the drugs. A time to write an unbelievably dumb screed that literally says the poors are lazy and should be grateful for the scraps that fall off the tables of the American aristocracy.
At least, that’s what college is like for Steven Gillard of the UMass Daily Collegian. Steven, you see, wrote a screed about the recent fast food wage protests, and oh boy, is it a fun one. Ordinarily I wouldn’t take the time to respond to an op-ed, least of all one from a child, but this piece is so mind-breakingly dumb that we really need to give it our full attention.
Let’s do that, shall we?
In recent months, protests staged by fast food workers across the country have gained national attention. Fast food workers claim minimum wage — as low as $7.25 an hour in some states — is not sufficient enough to make a living and support a family. Moreover, they assert that employees of fast food giants such as McDonalds, a multi-billion dollar industry, should not be scraping by while executives rake in profit.
On Thursday, Sept. 4, protests took place in about 150 cities nationwide. Nine people were arrested in Boston for blocking traffic while protesting their low wages and demanding $15 an hour.
“How dare they commit the heinous crime of blocking traffic over something so trivial as their ability to feed their family?! SUCH UNCOUTH BEHAVIOR FROM THE UNWASHED PROLETARIAT!” *pops monocle*
If you think I’m taking that sentence out of context and being unduly harsh to this kid, ohhhh, just you wait.
The Heritage Foundation calculated that raising the minimum wage in the fast food industry to $15 an hour would lead to a 77 percent decrease in profits, as well as a 38 percent increase in prices. Essentially, paying employees $15 an hour would wipe out the profit margin of fast food companies and make it more difficult for those who rely on cheap fast food for meals to afford them.
OK, so, to your credit, Steven, you actually cited your source directly. That’s good! It means you actually believe it rather than just spouting some pseudo-statistics you know to be bullshit just to try to score some cheap points on something you know you’re wrong about. Not that I know anyone who does that.
The flip side of that, though, is that you’re actually dumb enough to believe the pseudo-statistics put forward by the Heritage Foundation. Let’s take a look at previous claims made by the Heritage Foundation for some context, shall we?
- They’ve claimed that tax cuts have caused economic growth/recoveries that happened before the tax cuts even went into place.
- They claimed that the Millionaire Surcharge of 3.25% on anyone making one million or more per year would negatively affect small business owners. Note that according to the US Department of the Treasury (an organization who you’d think would actually know something about this), it would affect one percent of all small business owners.
- They put forth a report about immigration reform costing US taxpayers “trillions,” written by a guy with a history of arguing that brown people have lower IQ’s. This instance was so egregiously wrong that both the libertarian-leaning CATO Institute and numerous Republicans not known for their liberal bent (such as Marco Rubio, Haley Barbour, and Jeff Flake) ripped it to shreds. Not their finest moment, this one.
- They’ve blatantly lied about US Debt numbers.
- They accused President Obama of slashing defense spending when he was actually increasing it.
- They tried to claim health care premiums would rise due to the ACA while simultaneously ignoring the existence of tax credit subsidies that completely contradicted their points.
Simply put, outright lying is what the Heritage Foundation does, Steven. You might as well quote a unicorn for all the good citing them does you. The Heritage Foundation doesn’t believe its own bullshit, Steven; instead, they rely on people like you who are dumb enough to buy it and spread their misinformation like kudzu. You poor, poor dear, you.
There’s also the fact that when anyone, least of all the Heritage Foundation, claims that raising the minimum wage will hurt the economy, it isn’t supported by any of those pesky little things called “facts.” This is a thing on which people have actually done studies. More than just one, in fact — that last link is an aggregate of five different studies. Wow, there are more? Eesh, there are a lot of these things. It’s almost like the evidence that raising the minimum wage hurts the economy and puts companies out of business is complete bullshit.