Well, This Is Bad. But Let Us Go Forth Like Rihanna.

When we needed her most, Rihanna returned to her old trolling ways.

By Audra Heinrichs  |  November 6, 2024 | 10:17am
Photo: Getty Images CelebritiesDirt Bag
Well, This Is Bad. But Let Us Go Forth Like Rihanna.

There’s no way around it. A fascist bigot, sexual predator, and convicted felon is—once again—the U.S. president-elect. No amount of preparation can arm you for a realization as bleak as that. But this, friends, is Dirt Bag, meaning we must find some way not to linger on the bad, but laugh in its mottled face. So, whether you’re ready to or not, here we go.

We all coped differently on Election Day, no? Some of us temporarily vacated social media, most of us doom-scrolled until carpal tunnel kicked in. Then, there’s Rihanna, who repeatedly chose pettiness to the delight of the masses.

The mogul and musician (who is not a U.S. citizen) began her shit-posting spree with an Instagram video of her in a car, captioned: “when protecting pussies and firing pussies can happen all in one vote #votecauseicant #TanSuitSeason.” And on the video itself, she wrote: “POV: me trying to sneak into the polls with my son’s passport. #votecauseicant.” Naturally, the post summoned some of the worst people on the internet—from Karens to, well, in Ri’s words, the dreaded “illiterate ass ho.” Fortunately, she had an answer for all of them.

“Why should you be able to if you are not a legal citizen?” commented one user, to which Rihanna replied: “Ew! Hate an illiterate ass ho.” Are you laughing yet? No? OK, here’s another exchange. “Illegal voting is a crime. Maybe she should be arrested for trying,” wrote another user. Rihanna then retorted: “Shut up Karen.”

Still glum? Well, here’s my favorite back-and-forth. When another user commented that Rihanna, a woman who has notably not released an album since 2016, should “stick to music” and that she “shouldn’t be posting her political opinions,” Rihanna had this to say: “Where were you in [sic] Jan 6 sis? Stick to your discounted crotch. We out here fighting for its rights!” Discounted crotch? Consider it a part of my lexicon from here on out.

You get it. When we needed her most, Rihanna returned to her old trolling ways. Lest anyone forget, this is the same woman who once flat-out told Kendall Jenner not to come to her concert.

Now, if you’re in need of more giggles, I give you Ri’s Ocean’s 8 co-star, Anne Hathaway, telling Pennsylvania students to stay in line to the tune of Sabrina Carpenter‘s “Please Please Please.”

“Please, please, please stay on the line, please, please, please, especially at UPenn and Temple just wait out your time,” Hathaway sang with utter seriousness in an Instagram video. If you can’t bring yourself to watch it, I’ll just note that her sunglasses are on inside. “Voting is magic but also annoying, you waited out this long, let’s make it not boring.” Voting is annoying, indeed.

If you’re still not amused—or at least, distracted—there’s also this dumb selfie of Chris Pratt, posing with his “I Voted” sticker, captioned, in part: “Scratch and sniff. Smells like freedom.” Life was easier when we all knew him only as Andy Dwyer, not a both-siding-ass Christian…

Godspeed, everyone.

  • Sabrina Carpenter engaged more voters than any other artist all without endorsing a single candidate…[Page Six]
  • I was a hater, and I was wrong. Jeremy Allen White is, in fact, a very respectable Nebraska-era Bruce Springsteen. [Us Magazine]
  • Kenneth Urker, you are Gypsy Rose Blanchard‘s baby father. [People]
  • Imagining Britney Spears reading Kristen Cavallari for filth might make me cancel this week’s therapy session. [Just Jared]
  • Tom Hanks is mad his movie is bombing. [Variety]

 
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