Some call it the culmination of the American political process, others call it Bullshit Christmas Eve — however you swing it, tonight, we come to the end of the three ring binder circus that we call the election season (you know, barring excessive, obnoxious litigation. Which is likely). But while we were all distracted by the threat of Mitt Romney’s congenital weirdness ascending to the White House, there were quite a few other races going on, many of which involved women. Let’s take a look at some female candidates we may be seeing a lot more — or less — of in the very near future.
Cheri Bustos (D)/Bobby Schilling (R)
Illinois’ 17th Congressional District
The race is pretty close, and it’s not certain that Bustos will unseat Bobby Schilling, who is a Tea Partier and an adult man who goes by the name “Bobby” and who has referred to Bustos as “mean.” (Adult men who go by “Bobby” or “Willie” or “Johnny” are almost invariably suspect). Plus, Cheri Bustos is an ex-athlete, ex-journalist working mom who is married to a cop and can sink a no-look shot.
I MEAN. If the usually-Democratic Illinois’ 17th District can’t get it together enough to vote this woman into office, then they deserve a Tea Partying Bobby.
Her chances: The district leans blue, but she’s been behind by single digits in the polls.
Elizabeth Warren (D)/Scott Brown (R)
Massachusetts Senate
Warren is a painfully intelligent Harvard professor with a huge crush on the middle class and a rich guy bullshit detector at a level never before seen in the Senate’s recent history (Maybe Paul Wellstone came close). Scott Brown is a guy who pretends to be a reasonable moderate Republican who believes in things like climate change and thinks the idea of a “rape exception” is absurd. And the race got very, very ugly.
Her chances: This, the most expensive Senate race ever, was tighter than the lid on a pickle jar . Most polls say Warren’s starting to pull it out, but Brown’s got the lead in at least one taken during the week before the election. Guess we’ll have to wait and see which one God loves best.
Tammy Baldwin (D)/Tommy Thompson (R)
Wisconsin Senate
If elected, Baldwin — one of the most progressive members of the US House of Representatives — will become the first openly gay Senator elected to a first term. Thompson is an ex-Bush buttboy and, as long term governor of America’s Dairyland, appeared on the back of all of the free Wisconsin road maps my parents used to argue over on road trips to Door County and Pattison Park when I was a kid.
Her chances:
After trailing Thompson, Baldwin leads by an itty bitty bit in most polls, but in at least one, she’s tied, according to RealClearPolitics. This is significant because people like Tammy Baldwin give people like Todd Akin actual rashes. Wisconsin’s kind of a political wild card of late, too — they’ve got that nutty Koch puppet governor, all those elected officials who kept saying stupid crap about domestic violence victims and divorce, plus the “rape easy” guy, but this side of a decade ago they were voting people like Russ Feingold into office. If she wins, though, big lesbian party.
Mia Love (R)/Jim Matheson (D)
Utah’s 4th District
Well, there’s one bright spot for Tea Partiers in this election that might see Elizabeth Warren and big lezzy lesbian Tammy Baldwin join the Senate — Mia Love, a black Mormon Tea Partier (AND A UNICORN) might join the House of Representatives. As mayor of a rapidly growing Utah town, she successfully helped her town avoid the pratfalls of rapid expansion and spoke powerfully at this year’s Republican National Convention.
Her chances: Things are looking pretty good for the Republican who has vowed to join the Black Congressional Caucus and then dismantle it from within. After trailing for much of the campaign, she’s up 12 points over incumbent Matheson in the most recent poll.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
