Trump Says Kids Should Be Happy With Fewer Toys as He Plans Military Birthday Parade

Barf Bag: "Maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls," said the man who might parade 150 armored vehicles through Washington, D.C. on his 79th birthday.

Politics
Trump Says Kids Should Be Happy With Fewer Toys as He Plans Military Birthday Parade

Welcome back to Barf Bag.

Our big dumb president, who is notably making millions off his role as Commander in Chief, suggested this week that if his tariff policies make toys more expensive, children can simply learn to do with less. Meanwhile, the White House is reportedly considering spending tens of millions of dollars on a military parade to mark the 250th anniversary of the U.S. Army on June 14, which happens to be Donald Trump‘s 79th birthday.

Trump’s insistence on slapping huge tariffs on China has both the economic and retail worlds very worried about the possibility of empty shelves and the impact on Christmas specifically. The New York Times reported on Tuesday that factories in China produce almost 80% of the toys and 90% of the Christmas goods sold in the U.S., and holiday toy production is usually in full swing by now. But Greg Ahearn, the chief executive of the U.S. industry group the Toy Association, told the NYT that everyone is pausing orders due to the steep import taxes of 145%, which are effectively freezing the supply chain. “If we don’t start production soon, there’s a high probability of a toy shortage this holiday season,” Ahearn said.

During a Wednesday Cabinet meeting, Trump acknowledged that the tariffs could impact production. “You know, somebody said, ‘Oh, the shelves are going to be open,’” he said, meaning they would be empty. “Well, maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls. And maybe the two dolls will cost a couple of bucks more than they would normally.” Maybe kids get 30 toys in your (gilded) house, but that is absolutely not the norm. And 145% tariffs could mean toys more than doubling in price. Real man of the people stuff.

Deputy chief of staff and racist goblin Stephen Miller suggested during a Thursday press conference that “almost every American consumer” agrees with Trump and that Americans would rather buy more expensive U.S.-made dolls than ones made in China. I’d really like to know what leads him to think that, especially when prices are expected to rise on all kinds of products, not just toys. People are going to struggle to buy essentials!

“If you had a choice between a doll from China, that might have, say, lead paint in it that is not as well constructed, as a doll made in America that has a higher environmental and regulatory standard and that is made to a higher degree of quality, and those two products are both on Amazon, that yes, you probably would be willing to pay more for a better-made American product,” he said. Also, the U.S. government is gutting environmental and regulatory agencies, so I wouldn’t be making this particular argument.

When Joe Biden was president, the fact that eggs and bacon were expensive was a travesty to Republicans. Now that Trump’s in charge, he’s trying to act like he’s some sort of Buddhist monk critical of consumption, as best summed up in this headline from The Onion:

 

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This “two dolls” comment is all the more galling considering the possibility that the administration will waste a bunch of money on a military parade next month. The Army was already set to mark its anniversary with a festival on the National Mall, but planning documents obtained by the Associated Press showed draft plans for a new element of a large military parade that would begin in Arlington, Virginia, and cross the Potomac River and into Washington.

The AP said the proposal calls for “more than 6,600 soldiers, at least 150 vehicles, 50 helicopters, seven bands and possibly a couple thousand civilians.” It would likely cost tens of millions of dollars to put on a spectacle of that size, including the cost of moving the equipment and service members, and feeding and housing said troops. The large war toys on wheels—which might include tanks and other armored vehicles—could also cause a ton of damage to the roads in Washington, D.C.

The White House would still have to approve the parade and its costs. Trump scrapped a proposed military parade in 2018 due to the price tag, with one estimate being $92 million, but that wasn’t tied to a huge anniversary.

Unfortunately, I don’t trust this administration not to stage a large, expensive event in the name of jingoist propaganda.


Trump-related barf:

  • Administration officials placed dozens of posters of the mugshots of undocumented immigrants along the White House driveway in hopes of getting them in the live shots of TV crews. [Axios]
  • Mike Waltz, former National Security Advisor and now nominee for United Nations Ambassador, appeared in photos to be using a less-secure Signal app knockoff that can retain and archive messages, perhaps in an effort to comply with federal record-keeping laws. [404 Media]
  • Headline: “Karoline Leavitt Refuses to Rule Out Arrest of Supreme Court Judges” [The New Republic]
  • Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, who somehow still has a job, said he’s ending a Pentagon program called Women, Peace and Security (WPS) because it’s “woke.” Trump signed WPS into law and it was championed in Congress by his fellow Cabinet members Kristi Noem and Marco Rubio. [NBC News]
  • Turns out that Elon Musk‘s DOGE might not actually save the government any money! He is now claiming a savings of $150 billion, down from an initial goal of $2 trillion, but the cuts he’s making could cost $145 billion due to firings, re-hirings, lost productivity, and paid leave. And that figure doesn’t include the costs of defending all the lawsuits over DOGE! [MSNBC]

Non-Trump barf:

  • Profiles in courage! House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.) has reportedly discouraged fellow Democrats from going to El Salvador to protest the detention of Kilmar Abrego Garcia. [The Bulwark]
  • Braver than the Marines! Three House Democrats asked to be removed as co-sponsors of a resolution to impeach Trump. They are Reps. Robin Kelly (Ill.), Kweisi Mfume (Md.), and Jerry Nadler (N.Y.). [The Hill]
  • Yikes to this feature about Pennsylvania Sen. John Fetterman‘s paranoia and mass staff departures. [New York Magazine]
  • Rep. Josh Gottheimer (D-N.J.), who is running for governor, proudly used AI to make a TV ad of him boxing Trump while shirtless. [NBC News]

This has been your weekly Barf Bag, thanks for reading! 

 
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