Elon Musk Is Melting Down Because His Baby DOGE Minions Are Being ID’ed

"You have committed a crime," Musk wrote to a Twitter user who posted the names and ages of his college-age employees and who, importantly, had not committed a crime.

By Kylie Cheung  |  February 4, 2025 | 1:54pm
Photo: Getty Images Politics
Elon Musk Is Melting Down Because His Baby DOGE Minions Are Being ID’ed

The most viral headline of the second Trump era, published by the Guardian in January, reads, “I knew one day I’d have to watch powerful men burn the world down—I just didn’t expect them to be such losers.” And now that we know the identities of Elon Musk’s government wrecking crew, “DOGE” (the Department of Government Efficiency), I can add that I didn’t expect them to be so young and creepy-looking. Or, for that matter, that they would include a 19-year-old Northeastern University freshman with a haircut that my Jezebel colleague Susan Rinkunas likened to “fascist broccoli.”

Last week, Musk, the “First Buddy” and the nation’s preeminent Divorced Man, essentially began the stupidest coup d’etat in recent history by siccing his infantile DOGE minions on a nation that did not fucking vote for him. If you managed to stay offline for the last couple of days (good job), I’m talking about Akash Bobba, Edward Coristine, Luke Farritor, Gautier Cole Killian, Gavin Kliger, and Ethan Shaotran, who range in age from 19 to 25, and, as of the last two weeks, staff Musk’s motley shadow government group.

On Sunday, a Twitter user shared the men’s identities, and hours later, Wired confirmed them—which is legal and also feels pretty necessary as they’re being tasked with illegally dismantling our government. Yet, on Monday, Musk—who bought Twitter in 2022 with the self-proclaimed goal of restoring free speech—threatened his critics and the reporters who revealed his underlings’ identities with prosecution. 

All of this capped off a week of almost historic levels of shadiness. On Friday, Musk and DOGE gained access to the communication systems, personnel files, and a wide array of other highly sensitive information of agencies including the Treasury Department, General Services Administration, and the Small Business Administration. They’ve since spent the last several days trying to eliminate the United States Agency for International Development (USAID) altogether and working quickly to freeze long-time civil servants out of their work accounts or put others on leave across all departments. It feels like letting toddlers into a control room to giddily and indiscriminately plug and unplug whatever they want. 

Unfortunately for us, we the people are the control room, and a small coterie of the world’s nerdiest frat bros—whose social media histories expose their affinities for neo-Nazi and far-right influencers—appear to hold power over whose grandparents will or won’t receive social security payments. (Fitting that they follow those particular influencers and also work for Musk…) Cool!

Then, over the weekend, the Twitter user shared the names, ages, and publicly available photos of the aforementioned young men. I had a little chortle at this graphic, which reads, “Who are these little boys?” and “Why are they in charge of our money?” The graphic explains that the Treasury Department is responsible for Social Security, Medicare, grants, and federal salaries, and correctly stipulates the department “is usually run by grown-ups.” It concludes, “Mamas, come get your babies out of our government.” 

Musk replied to the tweet, “You have committed a crime,” conspicuously declining to name that crime—likely because none was committed. I’ll also remind you that Musk and his viral, far-right influencer pals have, at different points over the past year, posted the photos, names, and other details of government employees they perceive as queer and trans. Nevertheless, within hours, the graphic was taken down for violating X rules, and the user behind it was suspended; that hasn’t stopped the graphic from continuing to circulate, though. And, as Rolling Stone points out, when the same graphic was shared by a Musk supporter who complimented the young men, Musk proudly replied, “Some real aces in @DOGE.” Clearly, his issue is with public criticism and nothing more.

According to Wired, all of the DOGE boys appear to have almost no work experience, with one listing a recent stint as a camp counselor on his LinkedIn, where his username is “bigballs.” Others very recently interned or worked with Musk in some capacity. They all now have higher security clearances than most career civil servants.

On an especially ominous note, the interim District of Columbia U.S. Attorney, Ed Martin—a far-right, anti-abortion extremist who previously served as deputy policy director for the Republican National Convention’s platform committee—has gotten involved. On Monday, Martin tweeted a letter threatening legal action against those who exposed the college-age government “officials” currently neck-deep in our nation’s most sensitive data. Tagging “@elon,” which is not Musk’s account, Martin’s letter states, “We will not tolerate threats against DOGE workers or law-breaking by the disgruntled… Let me assure you of this: we will pursue any and all legal action against anyone who impedes your work or threatens your people.” 

His tweets also include pro-small government, white nationalism, anti-immigration bs. His substack confirms he’s a conspiracy theorist right down the rabbit hole

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— qm61.bsky.social (@qm61.bsky.social) February 4, 2025 at 4:24 AM

In a follow-up letter, Martin wrote, “Our initial review of the evidence presented to us indicates that certain individuals and/or groups have committed acts that appear to violate the law in targeting DOGE employees. We are in contact with the FBI and other law-enforcement partners to proceed rapidly. We also have our prosecutors preparing.”

Martin, for context, has so far fired about 30 federal prosecutors who were involved in investigating the January 6 insurrectionists, all of whom Donald Trump pardoned on day one of his presidency.

Neither Martin nor Musk can name the criminal violations they allege have been committed against the DOGE boys. By contrast, many people are raising legal concerns with DOGE’s apparent, total seizure of the federal government. On Monday, with no authority, DOGE physically locked out USAID staffers from their headquarters. Last week, DOGE pushed out a top Treasury Department official for not giving them access to the department’s highly sensitive payment system; by gaining access to that system, which former Treasury officials say is unprecedented for any political appointee, Musk and DOGE may be violating the Privacy Act and the Internal Revenue Code, per a lawsuit filed this week by federal workers’ unions. These laws restrict access to taxpayer and personal information unless individuals are carrying out official duties that necessitate access to these records. It’s unclear what “official duties” a billionaire CEO and his collegiate interns are conducting—but ditching class to play Fortnite and giggle at Nazi memes with a 53-year-old father of 12 aren’t “official duties.”

The “official duties” DOGE has taken on so far are heinous: Wired reported on Monday night that thanks to DOGE’s obstruction, HIV/AIDS workers are cut off from lifesaving medication and funds that were already approved by the Trump administration; consequently, “at a minimum, 300 babies that wouldn’t have had HIV, now do.”

There is a lot about this new administration that’s been incredibly demoralizing. But I have to say, the sheer power that some of the world’s biggest losers hold over our day-to-day lives is really… something! Even just the line “You have committed a crime” is a lame thing to say under any circumstance. Just a reminder that all the money and power in the world can’t buy the world’s richest middle-aged man or the weirdo teens who worship him an ounce of coolness.

 
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