‘Little Women’ Star Carrying Little Woman (or Man) of Her Own!

But I must disrupt this moment of congratulatory bliss to air a grievance I have with the way celebrity pregnancies are announced these days. A number of publications (including us, obviously) have picked up this news item, as outlets are wont to do when someone notable is expecting. New York Magazine’s The Cut went with the bare bones: “Saoirse Ronan Is Pregnant.” Vogue elaborated a bit more with “Saoirse Ronan Is Pregnant With Her First Child.” InStyle used the same headline.

All these headlines are to the point and inarguably true, and I bet these blogs are doing numbers on the SEO rankings. Mazel. I also understand that commenting on women’s bodies, including speculating on their pregnancies, can be tacky and fraught, and ought to be navigated with care. But when I read the sparse headline, “Saoirse Ronan Is Pregnant,” I panic. Am I a government census taker? Do I need to log this in a database somewhere? It all feels very dystopian—like I must know this information, but not show any emotion in regards to it. Inserting celebrity pregnancy intel into my brain folds complete. Famous woman having baby dot gov. Now to decided which made-to-order chain salad slop buffet will I order my lunch from?

There ought to be a little middle ground, right? There are ways to write about pregnant celebrities respectfully without acting like we’re charting Hollywood fertility stats for AI to decipher. We can have a little fun with these announcements, no? Give us a pun! An exclamation mark! Something’s cookin’ in Brooklyn star’s oven! IDK, just a thought! Anyways, congrats to Saoirse and all the famous people who are pregnant. Apologies that this huge life event has to be written about in the current state of SEO-dominated, VC-depleted digital media.