Please note that if you are triggered by giant bugs, the word “cockroach” or Valentine’s Day as a manufactured conceit meant to sell candy and schlocky cards, then it’s wise that you proceed with caution.
Yes, it is still January, but you can get conversation hearts at the drugstore now, so that means Valentine’s Day is coming right up. What better way to show your true feelings than by naming a Madagascar hissing cockroach in honor of someone you love or hate or don’t think about often, but would think about way more if you knew that there was a cockroach scuttling about that shared their name?
If this is something that appeals to you, congratulations, the Bronx Zoo will take $10 of your hard-earned dollars in return for a certificate with your roach’s name emailed to your person of choice. If you’re worried that this ingenious Valentine’s Day gift will somehow sell out, rest easy: there are “thousands” of roaches at the zoo so there certainly won’t be any shortage!
The Name A Roach Program has been around since 2011, according to the AP, and is merely a nice way to raise money for the Wildlife Conservation Society, which works to protect wildlife and their habitats. Given the current political climate and other upsetting news related to the animal kingdom and biodiversity at large, it might be nice to name a freaking cockroach for the greater good.
If you don’t have any enemies or lovers or anyone you want to name a cockroach after, here are like, five suggestions.
- Gregor
- Samsa
- Gregor Samsa
- Edgar
- *insert name of celebrity/political figure/person in your life you really can’t stand here*
If you want to go the extra mile, $35 gets you the digital certificate and a plush Madagascar hissing cockroach; $50 will get you all that and a box of chocolates. It’s worth it!
GET JEZEBEL RIGHT IN YOUR INBOX
Still here. Still without airbrushing. Still with teeth.
