The Social Media Guide to Ruining Your Relationship
LatestEverything that’s allegedly great about communication for humans is terrible for romance, AKA, will we ever HEAR the lolz again? It was inevitable that, as mouth people, we’d create ways to get our message out in as few grunts as possible, and while this has been a boon for general humanity, it has left modern lovers in an impossible struggle between access and restraint, helplessly pitting that delicate balance of mystery so crucial to passion against our horrible, insatiable need to find out every single detail about our beloved right down to his fantasy baseball league choices from 2007. To say nothing of the fact that nearly everyone knows someone whose online behavior has gotten them into some kind of trouble. But among various forms of social media, is there a more treacherous taint to your hard-won harmony? Let’s suss.
The Medium: Twitter
The Message: Anything you can say in 140 characters, sucka!
The Warning: Since Twitter is built for finding and interacting with complete strangers, famous people and complete twats, it feels less connected to the ins and outs of your personal romance. However, like any virtual collection of possible people one could ever sleep with, virtually or otherwise, it may as well be another digital bar with free booze. So it’s possible to start a romance, end one, vibe the fuck out of someone or monitor your loved ones online via their Twitter activity.
The Risk: 1 out of 5. Sure, you could fight over the fact that your significant other isn’t RT’ing you enough and favorites everything Rashida Jones ever says, but that’s just dumb. It’s hard to get much shadiness going on with such a built-in brevity and transparency. You’re more likely to have your own breakup live-tweeted by someone else, like what the infamous Burger King breakup. (Bonus sadpoints: Both of them thought the other person was cheating because of MUTUALLY MISSED PHONE CALLS.)
The Medium: Email
The Message: Emails can be saved forever. Uh, yikes? In the form of love letters to your significant other, it’s like a digital firebox of all the good stuff you ever said to each other. It’s also going to include all the emailed fights, so get ready for that Cringe-Fest 2000. All of the above can make for a depressing postmortem in the event you ever break up (and you will break up).
The Warning: RIP, handwritten love letters. Also, since people often have email accounts for a very long time, it’s a treasure trove of your activities for good and ill over what could be decades of your life. Past relationships, job seeking, bad email forwarding habits, fringe listservs — anyone who stumbles onto this cache and decides to prowl is highly likely to leave that pain cave with at least a few questions. Sure, it’s password protected, and yet, everyone eventually forgets to log out of their email account. Nearly every woman I know has seen the email of her significant other (some studies say 1 in 10 people have done this). Some even know the passwords and check in regularly, often for extended periods of time, to simply monitor the activities of their partner or find out what he or she really wants for Christmas (kidding).